150 Best Ipswich Town Jokes and Memes The Funniest Blue Army Content

Are you a Tractor Boy or just love a good laugh? If the answer is yes, then you’ve come to the right place! We’re diving headfirst into the hilarious world of Ipswich Town jokes and memes, celebrating the highs, the lows, and everything in between with some good-natured banter.

From witty one-liners about Portman Road to classic meme formats featuring our beloved players, we’ve gathered the best of the internet’s Ipswich Town humor. Get ready to chuckle, share, and maybe even create your own as we explore the funny side of supporting the Blues.

Best Ipswich Town Jokes and Memes The Funniest Blue Army Content

• Why did the Ipswich fan bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard they were going to be playing at a higher level next season.
• What’s an Ipswich fan’s favourite type of music? Blues, obviously!
• I tried to write a song about Ipswich’s defence, but it kept getting blocked.
• I asked my magic 8-ball if Ipswich would win the league. It just replied: “Outlook good, but bring a Tractor.”
• Ipswich’s training ground is so green, I thought they’d hired the Incredible Hulk as their groundskeeper.
• A skeleton walks into a pub and orders a pint. The bartender says, “You’re a bit early for the Ipswich celebration party, aren’t you?”
• Heard Ipswich were thinking of changing their mascot to a road sign…because they keep getting passed.
• Why are Ipswich players so good at gardening? Because they know how to get out of the bottom of the league table.
• My Ipswich supporting friend is great at making sandwiches. He’s always got the right ingredients for a ‘winning’ combination.
• I saw an Ipswich fan with a map. Turns out he was just trying to find his way back to the top half of the table.
• What do you call a group of Ipswich fans optimistically waiting for promotion? A hopeful tractor beam.
• Ipswich’s new striker is so quick, he makes the other team look like they’re standing still… or maybe it’s just my slow internet connection.
• Ipswich’s results this year have been like a rollercoaster… mostly going down.
• I told my friend I was writing a book about Ipswich’s history, he said, “Isn’t that just a pamphlet?”
• An Ipswich fan walks into a library and asks for books about optimism. The librarian points him to the fiction section.

Ipswich Town Jokes: The Best of the Blue Army Banter

“Ipswich Town Jokes: The Best of the Blue Army Banter” is your go-to for laughs if you’re a Tractor Boys fan. It’s a collection of the wittiest, silliest, and most relatable jokes and memes from the Ipswich faithful. Whether it’s ribbing rivals or celebrating a win, this book captures the…

• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and go for a pint.
• Why did the Ipswich fan bring a ladder to the match? He heard they were going to be playing at a higher level next season, and he wanted to get a better view.
• Ipswich’s midfield is like a group of tractors trying to navigate a roundabout, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions.
• An Ipswich player’s favorite subject in school was geography, he was always exploring new areas of the pitch, and often in the wrong postcode.
• Ipswich’s trophy cabinet is like a dusty old barn, full of forgotten relics, and a few cobwebs, and the faint sound of someone sighing, and a very strong sense of Deja-Vu.
• Ipswich’s new striker was touted as a ‘goal machine’, turns out he was more of a ‘near miss’ generator, and it’s all a bit frustrating, and then we all just sigh and go for a pint.
• If Ipswich were a type of weather, they’d be a cloudy day with a slight chance of… well, you know, and a lot of sighing.
• Ipswich’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause extreme emotional swings, and a need for a very large box of tissues, and possibly a therapy session, and a very long nap, and then a strong sense of Deja-Vu.”
• I saw an Ipswich player trying to use a compass, he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and he was very confused, and then we all just sighed.
• What do you call an Ipswich player who’s always late? Chronically behind, and often in the wrong position, and often very confused.
• Ipswich’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound, and then you try again next week, and it’s all very tiring.
• Ipswich’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score a goal, they’re getting very good at it, and then looking even more surprised when they concede straight after, and then they look confused again, and then they sigh, and then it’s all very repetitive.
• Ipswich’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody is ever in the box to receive the invitation or the ball, and the cake is always stale, and the balloons are all deflated, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound.
• Ipswich’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all a bit repetitive.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactics to my goldfish, but he just swam in circles, probably a better analysis than most pundits, and then he just gave up, and then we all just sighed and went for a pint.

Ipswich Town Memes: Hilarious Takes on Recent Matches

Ipswich Town fans, you know the drill: wins, losses, and everything in between gets the meme treatment! “Ipswich Town Memes: Hilarious Takes on Recent Matches” is where the magic happens. Expect witty captions, relatable reactions, and maybe even a few groan-worthy puns, all capturing the rollercoaster of supporting the Tractor…

• Ipswich’s new training ground has a ‘Tractor-Beam’ system, designed to pull the ball into the net, or failing that, just pull the players back to the halfway line.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactical formation using a combine harvester, but it just kept churning up the pitch, and then we all just sighed.
• Ipswich’s recent form is like a freshly ploughed field, full of potential, but still a bit uneven, and needs a lot of work.
• Heard Ipswich’s new fitness coach is a farmer, he’s got the players doing ‘plough-ometrics’ to build strength and stamina.
• Ipswich’s games are like a long harvest season, some days are fruitful, some days are a bit barren, but you always hope for a good crop.
• Ipswich’s defense is like a scarecrow: looks imposing, but sometimes the birds still get through, and sometimes the scarecrow just falls over.
• Ipswich’s midfield is like a group of tractors trying to navigate a roundabout, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions, and the directions are always wrong, and then they just give up and go for a pint.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was good at puzzles, he said, “Our formation is the ultimate jigsaw, and we’re still trying to find all the pieces, and some of them are probably missing”.
• Ipswich’s corner kicks are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody is in the box, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound.
• Ipswich’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes very large maps, they anticipate a lot of wandering, and a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs, and a very long and repetitive season.
• Ipswich’s games are like a slow motion film, with a lot of build-up, and not much pay off, and then it just repeats itself, and then we all sigh.
• An Ipswich player walks into a library and asks for books about scoring goals, the librarian points him to the fantasy section, and then to the self-help one for coping with disappointment, and the section on ‘how to write a good excuse’, and then the section on ‘where is the nearest pub?’.
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and go for a pint.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s season using a tractor, it just kept going around in circles, and then we all just sighed and went for a pint.
• Ipswich’s trophy cabinet is so quiet, you can hear a pin drop, or the faint sound of a distant tractor, and a very long and repetitive sigh.

Ipswich Town Jokes and Puns: A Goal-Scoring Gag Fest

Looking for a laugh that’s more satisfying than a last-minute winner? “Ipswich Town Jokes and Puns: A Goal-Scoring Gag Fest” is your go-to source! Forget tactical analysis; this is pure, unadulterated Ipswich humour. From groan-worthy puns to witty memes, it’s all the Tractor Boys banter you need, perfect for sharing…

• Ipswich’s new training regime involves a lot of ‘Tractor-Treadmill’ work, they’re trying to get their stamina up, and avoid getting bogged down in the midfield.
• Heard Ipswich’s new fitness coach is a farmer, he’s got the players doing ‘plough-ometrics’ to build strength and stamina, and a lot of ‘hay-bail’ lifting, and he keeps shouting “get those seeds planted”, and then we all just sigh.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactical formation using a combine harvester, but it just kept churning up the pitch, and then we all just sighed, and had a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s games are like a long harvest season, some days are fruitful, some days are a bit barren, but you always hope for a good crop, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause extreme emotional swings, and a need for a very large box of tissues, and possibly a therapy session, and a very long nap, and then a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and a very large cup of tea.”
• Ipswich’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score a goal, they’re getting very good at it, and then looking even more surprised when they concede straight after, and then they look confused again, and then they sigh, and then it’s all very repetitive, and then we all need a very large cup of tea.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was good at puzzles, he said, “Our formation is the ultimate jigsaw, and we’re still trying to find all the pieces, and some of them are probably missing, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.”
• Ipswich’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes very large maps, they anticipate a lot of wandering, and a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs, and a very long and repetitive season, and a very large cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s midfield is like a group of tractors trying to navigate a roundabout, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions, and the directions are always wrong, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all very repetitive, and then we all need a very large cup of tea.
• I saw an Ipswich player trying to use a compass, he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and he was very confused, and then we all just sighed and had a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s corner kicks are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody is in the box, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• I asked my magic 8-ball if Ipswich would win the league. It just replied: “Outlook good, but bring a Tractor, and a very large cup of tea, and a lot of patience.”
• Heard Ipswich were thinking of changing their mascot to a road sign…because they keep getting passed, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.

Ipswich Town Memes: Celebrating Victories and Commiserating Losses

Ipswich Town fans express their rollercoaster of emotions through hilarious memes! From celebrating stunning goals with joyous edits to commiserating painful defeats with self-deprecating humor, the “Ipswich Town Memes” scene is a vibrant part of the club’s online culture. It’s where we laugh, cry, and ultimately, bond over our shared…

• Ipswich’s midfield is like a field of tractors, they’re powerful, but turning them around takes a while, and sometimes they get stuck in the mud.
• I tried to write an Ipswich joke but it was always too ‘Tractor-tional’ and got lost in the plough lines.
• An Ipswich player walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to get promoted’, the librarian points him to the self-help section, then the travel brochures.
• Heard Ipswich’s new training regime involves a lot of ‘plough-ometrics’, they’re trying to cultivate some wins.
• Ipswich’s games are like a harvest festival: some days are bountiful, others are a bit barren, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, hear the collective groans of the fans, and then have a long nap in a field of barley.
• Ipswich’s defense is like a scarecrow: looks imposing, but sometimes the birds still get through, and then it just falls over, and then we all sigh.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he believed in miracles, he said, “I’m hoping for a draw, that’s as close as we get to divine intervention, and maybe a cup of tea after”.
• Ipswich’s corner kicks are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is ever in the box, and the cake is always stale, and the balloons are deflated, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and then we all sigh and have a cup of tea.
• An Ipswich fan is writing a novel, it’s a very long saga, with lots of twists and turns, and a lot of sighing, and a very large cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s set pieces are like a tractor trying to parallel park, it’s a bit of a mess, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• If Ipswich were a type of bread, they’d be a wholemeal loaf, solid, dependable, but occasionally a bit dry, and then you just have a cup of tea.
• Heard Ipswich’s new mascot is a very large cup of tea, because the fans need it after every game.
• Ipswich’s attack is like a combine harvester, lots of noise and effort, but sometimes it just churns up the pitch and then we all just sigh.
• I saw an Ipswich player trying to use a compass, he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and then he was very confused, and then we all just sighed, and had a cup of tea.

Ipswich Town Jokes: From the Stands to Social Media

Ipswich Town fans have a special way of coping, and it’s through laughter! “Ipswich Town Jokes: From the Stands to Social Media” explores how humor, from classic terrace chants to viral memes, unites the Tractor Boys. It’s more than just gags; it’s a shared language, a way to celebrate the…

• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactics using a map of Suffolk, but it just kept leading to a dead end, and then a farm, and then we all just sighed and had a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s training ground must have a ‘Tractor-Beam’, they keep getting drawn back to the halfway line, and then we all sigh and have a cup of tea.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was a fan of puzzles, he said, “Our formation is the ultimate jigsaw, and we’re still trying to find all the pieces, and some of them are probably missing, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we do it all again next week.”
• An Ipswich player walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to score goals’, the librarian points him to the self-help section, and then to the travel brochures, and then to the section about the local pub, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new fitness coach is a landscape gardener, he says he’s trying to get the players to move with the same fluidity as a freshly mowed lawn, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• If Ipswich were a type of weather, they’d be a cloudy day, with a slight chance of… well, you know, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody is ever in the box, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Heard Ipswich’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes very large maps, they anticipate a lot of wandering, and a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs, and a very long and repetitive season, and a very large cup of tea, and then we do it all again next week.
• Ipswich’s attack is like a broken record, it keeps repeating the same old patterns, and skipping the good bits, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score a goal, they’re getting very good at it, and then looking even more surprised when they concede straight after, and then they look confused again, and then they sigh, and then it’s all very repetitive, and then we all need a very large cup of tea.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactical formation using a combine harvester, but it just kept churning up the pitch, and then we all just sighed and had a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of biscuits, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was good at puzzles, he said, “Our formation is the ultimate jigsaw, and we’re still trying to find all the pieces, and some of them are probably missing, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.”
• Ipswich’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all very repetitive, and then we all need a very large cup of tea.
• Heard Ipswich were thinking of changing their mascot to a road sign…because they keep getting passed, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.

Ipswich Town Memes: Player-Focused Funnies and Caricatures

Ipswich Town fans love a good laugh, and player-focused memes are a huge hit! From exaggerated caricatures to humorous takes on on-field moments, these funnies are a lighthearted way to celebrate (or sometimes gently poke fun at) our beloved Tractor Boys. It’s all part of the wider Ipswich Town jokes…

• Ipswich’s new training regime involves a lot of ‘Tractor-Yoga’, they’re trying to get more flexible in the midfield, and avoid getting bogged down.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was a fan of puzzles, he said, “Our formation is the ultimate maze, and we’re still trying to find our way out of it, and sometimes we just end up going in circles, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.”
• Ipswich’s corner kicks are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that the ball never arrives, and the guests are always in the wrong place, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is a dry biscuit, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound.
• Heard Ipswich’s new fitness coach is a historian, he says he’s trying to understand the team’s past glories, but mostly he just looks confused, and then we all sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes very large compasses, they anticipate a lot of wandering, and a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs, and a very long and repetitive season, and a very large cup of tea, and a map to the nearest pub, and then we do it all again next week.
• If Ipswich were a type of weather, they’d be a cloudy day with a high chance of… well, you know, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we all try to find somewhere warm and dry.
• Ipswich’s games are like a harvest festival, some days are bountiful, some days are a bit barren, and some days are just a bit soggy, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we do it all again next week.
• Ipswich’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is ever in the box, and the decorations are all half-hearted, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and then we all sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of biscuits, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score a goal, they’re getting very good at it, and then looking even more surprised when they concede straight after, and then they look confused again, and then they sigh, and then it’s all very repetitive, and then we all need a very large cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s midfield is like a field of tractors, they’re powerful, but turning them around takes a while, and sometimes they get stuck in the mud, and sometimes they just end up going in circles, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new fitness coach is a farmer, he’s got the players doing ‘plough-ometrics’ to build strength and stamina, and a lot of ‘hay-bail’ lifting, and he keeps shouting “get those seeds planted”, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s defense is like a scarecrow: looks imposing, but sometimes the birds still get through, and sometimes the scarecrow just falls over, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we all try to find somewhere to hide.
• Ipswich’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound, and then you try again next week, and it’s all very tiring, and then we all go for a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all very repetitive, and then we all need a very large cup of tea, and a very long nap.

Ipswich Town Jokes and Rivalries: Laughing at the Competition

Ipswich Town fans love a good laugh, especially at the expense of their rivals! From Norwich “Canaries” to Colchester “U’s,” no team is safe from the Tractor Boys’ witty banter. It’s all part of the fun, turning tense rivalries into hilarious memes and jokes. After all, a bit of good-natured…

• Ipswich’s training ground has a new sign: ‘Caution: May spontaneously combust into a field of tractors’.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s attacking prowess using a weather map, but it was mostly just cloudy with a chance of… well, you know.
• Ipswich’s games are like a slow-motion harvest: some days are bountiful, others are a bit barren, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we do it all again next week, and it’s all a bit repetitive.
• I saw an Ipswich player trying to use a sat-nav, he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and then he was very confused, and then he asked for a cup of tea.
• Heard Ipswich’s new team mascot is a very large sigh, because the fans need it after every game.
• Ipswich’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that the ball never arrives, and the guests are always in the wrong place, and the cake is always stale, and the music is just a very long sigh on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s midfield is like a group of tractors trying to navigate a roundabout with a map written in hieroglyphics, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and then they just give up and have a cup of tea.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was good at puzzles, he said, “Our formation is the ultimate maze, and we’re still trying to find our way out of it, and sometimes we just end up going in circles, and then we all sigh and have a cup of tea.”
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of biscuits, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause extreme emotional swings, and a need for a very large box of tissues, and possibly a therapy session, and a very long nap, and then a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea”.
• If Ipswich were a type of bread, they’d be a wholemeal loaf: solid, dependable, but occasionally a bit dry, and then you just have a cup of tea, and then you do it all again next week.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactics using a map of Suffolk, but it just kept leading to a dead end, and then a farm, and then we all just sighed, and had a cup of tea, and then we did it all again next week.
• Heard Ipswich were thinking of changing their mascot to a road sign…because they keep getting passed, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we do it all again next week.
• I’m starting a support group for Ipswich fans, it’s called ‘The Tractor-Tired Anonymous’, and we just eat a lot of biscuits, and sigh a lot, and drink a lot of tea.
• Ipswich’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound, and then you try again next week, and it’s all very tiring, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.

Ipswich Town Memes: The Art of the Football Funny

Ipswich Town fans know that laughter is the best medicine, especially after a tough match! “Ipswich Town Memes: The Art of the Football Funny” perfectly captures this spirit, turning on-pitch drama and off-pitch quirks into shareable, relatable jokes. It’s a hilarious corner of the “Ipswich Town Jokes and Memes” universe,…

• Ipswich’s midfield is like a tractor trying to do a pirouette: lots of effort, but not very graceful.
• I tried to explain Ipswich’s tactical formation using a diagram of a combine harvester, but it just ended up looking like a very confused field, and then we all had a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score a goal, and then even more surprised when they concede immediately after.
• An Ipswich player walks into a library and asks for a book on ‘how to get out of a rut’, the librarian just points to the self-help section, and then to the local travel agent.
• Heard Ipswich are thinking of changing their mascot to a scarecrow, because they’re always getting bypassed, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes extra-large maps; they anticipate a lot of wandering, a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a strong sense of Déjà vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• I asked an Ipswich player if he was a fan of puzzles, he said, “Our formation is like a jigsaw with a few pieces missing, and some of them are probably in the shed, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea”.
• Ipswich’s games are like a long harvest season, some days are fruitful, some days are a bit barren, and then we all sigh and make a very large cup of tea.
• If Ipswich were a type of weather, they’d be a cloudy day with a slight chance of… well, you know, and a lot of sighing, and then a very large cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s corner kicks are like a surprise party where no one is ever in the box, the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is always stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s defense is like a scarecrow, it looks imposing, but sometimes the birds still get through, and sometimes the scarecrow just falls over, and then we all just sigh, and then have a cup of tea.
• My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes, so I started supporting Ipswich.
• Ipswich’s new training regime involves a lot of ‘plough-ometrics’, they say it’s designed to improve their stamina, and their ability to avoid getting bogged down in the midfield, and then we all have a very large cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every shot that went wide, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of biscuits, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea.
• Ipswich’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound, and then we all just sigh and have a cup of tea, and then we all try again next week.