Husband Wife Funny Joke Collection in English

Husband Wife Funny Joke collection in english

Here is a collection of some good Husband Wife funny Joke. Read, Laugh and Share. Do not forget to translate the jokes into your own language.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #1

Husband : Somebody has stolen 10 bucks from my wallet. Who is it?

Wife : I don’t know.

Husband : I think it must be your son.

Wife : How did you come to know?

Husband : If it were you, all the money could have been stolen. But only 10 bucks has been stolen, so it must be him.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #2

There are 3 stages of a married life.

First : Husband speaks, Wife listens.

Second : Wife speaks, Husband listens.

Third : Both speaks, neighbor listens.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #3

Wife : We are going to fire our personal driver from his job.

Husband : Why?

Wife : His driving is so terrible ! We were about to have an accident and I could have died today.

Husband : Please give him one more chance.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #4

Husband and wife had a quarrel with each other and the husband left for office without eating breakfast. At noon he was so hungry and asked his wife in the telephone

Husband : What have you cooked today?

Wife : Poison.

Husband : Then you eat your meal, I will have lunch in the hotel.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #5

Husband : When I start singing, why do you go out of the house?

Wife : I go out so that our neighbors do not have a doubt that I am beating you.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #6

Wife reads the news paper in the morning and told her husband

Wife : Look, how this man saved his wife from the punk and beat him badly. What would you do in my case?

Husband : I will tell the punk to take you away peacefully and gently.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #7

Husband opened a life insurance policy for his wife and asked the agent

Husband : If my wife dies within few days, how much will I get?

Agent : Hanging Spades

Husband Wife Funny Joke #8

Husband : At last, today we can spend time together for three hours this evening. Nobody will disturb us.

Wife : How?

Husband : Today I have booked three tickets for the cinema.

Wife : Three? But we are two.

Husband : One is for your Father, one is for your mother and one for your brother.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #9

One day a man was looking for something in the market. That man was very nervous. The man approached a woman and said:

— I am looking for my wife, she is lost somewhere.

Woman: Why?

Man: Whenever I talk to a woman, my wife comes from somewhere

Husband Wife Funny Joke #10

Listening to his wife’s taunt, the husband asked one day

— Do not I have any quality because of which you love me?

Wife replied slowly

— You had, but you have spent everything.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #11

In the cremation, the husband was returning home after performing the last rites of his wife. Then clouds thunder in the sky.

The man then looked at the sky and started thinking

— My wife reached heaven so soon!

Husband Wife Funny Joke #12

A man was looking for a girl much younger than his age to get married. When someone asked him the reason, he replied

— The shorter the danger, better the life is

Husband Wife Funny Joke #13

Husband told his wife at night

Husband : Today it is very cold. Let’s have dinner today in the restaurant.

Wife : What do you think I’m tired of cooking?

Husband : That is not the case, in fact I am tired of washing dishes at night.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #14

Husband : My father knew swimming very well. One day he dived in water and remained under water for 3 hours.

Wife : What is the big deal in that? My father knew swimming better. He dived 3 years ago and did not come out till today.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #15

One day a thief entered a house while a woman was cooking in the kitchen. The woman hit the thief with the vessel and he fainted.

She then called the police. The police praised her for her bravery.

The women replied –

No need to praise me, I thought it was my husband.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #16

First Friend: That day garbage fell in my wife’s eye and cost me 200 rupees.

Second Friend : In the same way I lost 700 rupees. A dress fell in my wife’s eye.

Husband Wife Funny Joke #17

Husband and wife were going by plane, then an air hostess came and gave him a chocolate.

Husband – The name of the air hostess is Monika.

Wife – How did you know?

Husband – Her name was written in the cabin along with the pilot. I read her name there.

Wife : OK, tell me the name of the pilot.

Husband : (Remained silent)

Husband Wife Funny Joke #18

The husband asked the wife to make a cup of tea.

Wife : You make it yourself.

Husband : I have a headache.

Wife : I have a sore throat.

Husband : Ok, then you press my head, I choke you.

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