150 Best Bagel Jokes You’ll Knead to Hear The Funniest Puns and One-Liners

Knead a good laugh? We’re about to deliver! Get ready to rise to the occasion with the most delicious collection of bagel jokes and puns you’ve ever seen.

Whether you’re a fan of everything bagels, plain bagels, or prefer them toasted with cream cheese, we’ve got something to tickle your funny bone.

Prepare for a hole lot of fun as we dive into the carb-tastic world of bagel jokes!

Best Bagel Jokes You’ll Knead to Hear The Funniest Puns and One-Liners

• Why did the bagel break up with the cream cheese? He said she was too spread out!
• I tried to make a bagel pun, but it was too corny. I’m still working on getting it just rye-t.
• My therapist told me to express myself more. So, I became a bagel. Now I’m feeling much more hole-istic.
• What do you call a sad bagel? A blue-berry.
• I’m reading a book about bagels. It’s full of hole-some stories.
• Bagels are just socially acceptable donuts with commitment issues.
• Knock knock. Who’s there? Bagel. Bagel who? Bagel me to the hospital, I think I’m having a heart attack from all these carbs!
• I went to a bagel shop that only sold everything bagels. It was Everything I ever wanted.
• Why did the bagel go to therapy? It felt empty inside.
• My friend said he could eat a bagel in one bite. I told him, “That’s a bold claim. Let’s see you handle this everything bagel!” He choked. Turns out, his bark was bigger than his bite.
• I told my bagel I loved it, but it just gave me a glazed look.
• Two bagels are sitting on a bench. One says to the other, “This is a-dough-rable weather we’re having!”
• A bagel walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” The bagel replies, “But I’m not food, I’m a-dough-rable!”
• What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music? R&B (Rye and Blues)!
• I saw a bagel wearing a tiny hat. I asked him why and he said, “I’m feeling a little toasty today!”

Knead to Laugh: The Best Bagel Jokes Around

Looking for a hole-y good time? “Knead to Laugh: The Best Bagel Jokes Around” delivers a fresh-baked batch of puns that will leave you crumby with laughter! From cream cheese conundrums to everything-seasoned silliness, this collection is the perfect schmear of humor to brighten your day. Get ready to dough-ver…

• Why did the bagel get a job as a model: It was hole-istically beautiful.
• I’m reading a book about bagels. It’s full of hole-some stories.
• What do you call a bagel that’s always sad: A blue-bagel.
• Two bagels were talking and one said “I think I’m having an everything crisis.”
• Why did the bagel start a detective agency: It was good at finding the hole truth.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music: Hole-dies.
• Did you hear about the bagel that became a lawyer: He had a strong case… of cream cheese.
• I tried to make a joke about bagels, but it was too crumby to land.
• Why did the bagel go to outer space: To boldly go where no bagel has gone before!
• What’s a bagel’s favorite social media platform: Instagranola.
• Why did the bagel get a standing ovation: It delivered a hole-in-one performance.
• I asked my bagel for advice, but it just gave me a blank stare. I guess it was feeling a little hole-some.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal: A dough-ble agent.
• I accidentally glued two bagels together. Now I have a conjoined snack, a twin-hole.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite game to play at a party: Musical Chairs…or should I say, Musical *Ears* (of the dough).

Bagel Puns That Will Get You Glazed Over

Warning: prepare for some serious dough-lightful puns! This collection of bagel jokes is guaranteed to be everything they’re cracked up to be… even if they do elicit a few eye-rolls. We’re not saying they’re perfect, but they’re hole-heartedly funny and might just leave you glazed over with amusement. Get ready…

• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal?: Al Cap-hole-ne.
• My bagel’s dating profile: Seeking someone with a hole lot of love to give. Must enjoy cream cheese and early morning walks to the bakery.
• I tried to make a bagel-themed escape room, but everyone kept getting stuck in the hole.
• Why did the bagel go to the gym?: To get a little more hole-some.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite song?: “Donut Stop Believin’.”
• Two bagels are sitting in a toaster. One says, “It’s getting hot in here!” The other replies, “I’m feeling a little crisp.”
• I tried to start a bagel-themed religion, but it didn’t take off. People just couldn’t get on board with the hole-y teachings.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal in space?: A black hole bandit.
• I’m writing a self-help book about bagels: It’s about finding your inner *hole-ness*.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite type of footwear?: Croc-heels.
• Why did the bagel break up with the donut?: It said, “You’re too sweet for me; I need someone a little more savory.”
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner bagel. Now I’m circular, full of possibilities, and slightly obsessed with cream cheese.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal with a law degree?: A dough-ble agent.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite kind of party?: A hole-iday celebration.
• I’m so good at making bagels, I should open a “bagel-istic” company.

Everything Bagel Jokes: A Hole Lot of Humor

Craving a laugh? Sink your teeth into “Everything Bagel Jokes: A Hole Lot of Humor!” This collection is stuffed with puns and one-liners that’ll have you rolling. From cream cheese quips to seeded silliness, it’s the perfect complement to your morning bagel. Prepare for a delicious dose of doughy delight!

• Why did the bagel get a scholarship?: It was well-rounded.
• I tried to make a bagel disappear, but it was all a hole-ucination.
• Bagel’s dating profile: Looking for someone who appreciates a good schmear and early morning walks. No gluten-free weirdos.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal?: A dough-ble agent.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner bagel: Be hole-istic and well-rounded.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite pick-up line?: “Are you cream cheese? Because I’m feeling a connection.”
• Why did the bagel start a gardening club?: To cultivate a love of hole-some activities.
• I’m writing a book about bagels and quantum physics: It’s about the theory of everything.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a really bad liar?: A dough-bious character.
• My bagel is having a crisis, it feels empty inside.
• Two bagels are talking, one says: “I’m feeling a little toasted today.”
• Why did the bagel start a YouTube channel?: For the views and to promote hole-some content.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite type of music?: Anything with a good *beat*.
• I’m bagel-ing you to be mine.
• [Image: A bagel wearing a tiny graduation cap] Caption: “Ready to conquer the world, one hole at a time.”

Cream Cheese and Comedy: Bagel Puns for Every Palate

Dive into “Cream Cheese and Comedy,” the ultimate guide to bagel jokes! Whether you’re a seasoned pun-dit or just seeking a hearty laugh, this collection is your daily dose of doughy delight. Explore a universe of cream cheese-smeared silliness and everything bagel-related humor. Get ready to roll with laughter!

• What do you call a bagel that’s a successful entrepreneur: A dough-getter.
• I’m reading a book about the history of bagels. It’s a real page-turner, full of hole-some facts.
• Why did the bagel go to the doctor?: It was feeling a little hole-y.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a secret agent?: A dough-ble agent.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite dance move?: The schmear slide.
• I tried to start a bagel-themed amusement park, but it didn’t work out. People kept complaining about the hole-lotta waiting.
• What do you call a bagel that’s always on the phone?: A hole-d the line.
• Why did the bagel get a job as a lifeguard?: It was great at keeping people from drowning in cream cheese.
• My bagel told me it wanted to travel the world. I said, “Just try not to get too *holey*.”
• What do you call a bagel that’s a great artist?: Vincent van Dough.
• My therapist told me to embrace my flaws, so I became an everything bagel.
• Why did the bagel break up with the muffin?: It said, “You’re too crumby for me.”
• What do you call a bagel that’s always getting into trouble?: A dough-main of mischief.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite subject in school?: Roll-igion.
• I tried to make a bagel out of thin air, but it was just a hole-ucination.

Bagel-Related Riddles: Can You Solve These Dough-lightful Puzzles?

Ready for some dough-lightful fun? Dive into “Bagel-Related Riddles”! We’ve kneaded together a collection of brain-teasing puzzles that’ll have you laughing and thinking. Perfect for bagel lovers and pun enthusiasts, these riddles are a tasty twist on classic wordplay. Can you solve them all before they get too hole-y?

• Why did the bagel start a band?: Because it had a hole lot of soul!
• I’m reading a book about the history of bagels. It’s got a hole-some narrative.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a philosopher?: A hole-istic thinker.
• I tried to make a bagel disappear, but it was just a hole-ucination.
• I’m starting a bagel-themed dating app: It’s called “Find Your Other Hole-f.”
• What’s a bagel’s favorite game?: Ring around the rosey.
• Why did the bagel go to space?: To explore the hole-verse!
• I accidentally used glue instead of cream cheese on my bagel. Now I have knot-so-sticky notes.
• What do you call a bagel that’s always sad?: A blue-bagel.
• Bagels are just donuts that believed in themselves.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner bagel: So now I’m circular, full of potential, and slightly obsessed with cream cheese.
• What does a bagel say when it gets a surprise?: “Holey Moley!”
• Why did the bagel get sent to detention?: It was being too hole-arious in class!
• What do you call a bagel that’s a pirate?: A swashbuckling dough-boy!
• I’m not saying my bagel is perfect, but it’s got a certain…hole-thenticity.

Bagel Puns: A Delicious Way to Start Your Day

Need a hole-some way to brighten your morning? Dive into the world of bagel puns! From “everything is bagel-icious” to “you’re my soulmate-erial,” these doughy delights are guaranteed to spread some schmear-y cheer. Perfect for breakfast banter or a quick laugh, bagel jokes are the perfect topping to any day….

• A bagel walks into a job interview, and the interviewer says, “We’re looking for someone with drive.” The bagel replies: “I’ve got a hole lot of motivation!”
• I tried to write a song about bagels: but I kept getting writer’s block… it was a real hole-d up.
• Why did the bagel open a bakery?: It wanted to bring a little *dough*-pamine to the world.
• My bagel is always bragging about its achievements: It’s got a real *hole*-d on success.
• A bagel and a croissant were having a competition to see who could be more popular. The croissant said: “I’ll always be flakey and fabulous!” The bagel replied: “Oh yeah? Well, I’m a *hole* package!”
• I’m starting a bagel-themed dating app: It’s called “Matcha-Bagel”.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal on a boat?: A *hole*-some swindler.
• I tried to make a joke about bagels, but it wasn’t that good: It was a little *corny*.
• My bagel is always so well-rounded: A true sphere of influence.
• What do you call a bagel that’s always getting into trouble?: A *dough*-nut.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner circle. So, I made a bagel.
• Two bagels are sitting in a toaster, one turns to the other and says: “Wow, it’s really getting hot in here!”. The other one screams.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a really good hugger?: A *hole*-some embrace.
• Why did the bagel get a standing ovation?: It delivered a *hole*-some performance.
• I tried to make a bagel with a built-in GPS: But it only led me to the nearest cream cheese store.

From Lox to Laughs: Bagel Jokes for Foodies

Need a hole-some dose of humor? “From Lox to Laughs” serves up a delightful schmear of bagel jokes and puns perfect for any foodie. This collection is guaranteed to make you say “Oh, doughn’t!” and maybe even “Everything is awesome!” Prepare for a carb-tastic comedy experience that’s as satisfying as…

• Why did the bagel go to the gym?: To get a little more hole-istic fitness.
• What did the bagel say to the cream cheese?: You make me whole-some.
• I tried to invest in a bagel company, but it went south: It was a total dough-saster.
• My bagel has a split personality: half savory, half cinnamon raisin.
• Why did the bagel refuse to share its feelings?: It was afraid of getting too a-schmear-ed.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite type of shoe?: Loafers.
• I’m starting a bagel-themed dating app: It’s called “Bae-gel”.
• Why did the bagel get a ticket?: It was driving down a one-way dough-main.
• What does a bagel use to stay in shape?: A bagel-ciser.
• My bagel just broke up with its girlfriend: It said she was too crumby.
• Why did the bagel go to outer space?: To explore the hole-axy.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal?: A dough-ble crosser.
• [Image: A bagel with googly eyes and a tiny graduation cap] Caption: Ready to get a hole-lotta knowledge.
• What did the bagel say to the lox?: “We were meant to be, it’s a schmear destiny.”
• Why did the bagel get a job as a therapist?: It was great at helping people fill their inner holes.

Beyond the Hole: Unexpected Bagel Jokes

Tired of the same old “everything bagel” puns? “Beyond the Hole: Unexpected Bagel Jokes” dives deep, exploring the uncharted territories of bagel humor. Forget cream cheese clichés! We’re talking existential rye-flections, poppy-seed paradoxes, and sourdough sagas that’ll leave you crumb-ling with laughter. Get ready for bagel jokes that are truly…

• I tried to start a bagel-themed gardening club, but it just wasn’t growing.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a smooth criminal?: A dough-ble crosser.
• Why did the bagel get a job as a detective?: He was good at finding the hole truth.
• What do you call a bagel with a superiority complex?: A conceited carb.
• Why did the bagel break up with the croissant?: It said, “You’re too flaky for me!”
• Two bagels are talking, one says: “I’m feeling a little blue-berry today.”
• My bagel has a split personality: half plain, half everything.
• What’s a bagel’s favorite sport?: Hole-in-one golf.
• Why did the bagel go to the doctor?: It was feeling a little hole-some.
• I tried to make a bagel disappear, but it was just a hole-ucination.
• What do you call a bagel that’s always telling jokes?: A hole-arious comedian.
• Why did the bagel get a promotion at work?: It was always on a roll.
• What do you call a bagel that’s a really good hugger?: A hole-some embrace.
• Why did the bagel start a gardening club?: To cultivate a love of hole-some activities.
• I poured lox on my shoes. Now I have *hole*-some sneakers.