150 Best Onion Jokes and Puns So Good They’ll Make You Cry Laughing

Are you ready to peel back the layers of laughter? Get ready, because we’re diving headfirst into the wonderfully pungent world of onion jokes and puns!

Prepare for some serious eye-watering humor (the good kind, we promise!). We’ve gathered the best, the worst, and the downright hilarious onion-themed jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile, even if you’re a little teary-eyed.

So, grab a tissue and get ready to laugh until you cry – from joy, of course! Let’s get started with these unbelievably funny onion jokes and puns!

Best Onion Jokes and Puns So Good They’ll Make You Cry Laughing

• Why did the onion cry during the baseball game? Because it saw the batter getting shelled!
• I tried to make an onion ring, but it just made me cry. Guess I’m not cut out for it.
• An onion walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.”
• What do you call an onion that plays the trumpet? A toot-in-common.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised. “Really?” I said, “Yeah, they’re on fleek, but you look like an onion.”
• An onion and a garlic are walking down the street. The garlic says, “Phew, it’s getting hot in here.” The onion replies, “Yeah, I’m starting to peel uncomfortable.”
• I can’t tell you my onion puns. They’re too tear-able!
• Why was the onion always invited to parties? Because it could make everyone cry with laughter!
• My therapist told me to embrace my emotions. So I became an onion.
• What’s an onion’s favorite type of music? Something with a lot of layers.
• Onion: “I’m feeling down.” Friend: “Why?” Onion: “I’m always being peeled apart.”
• Heard about the onion who won the lottery? Now he’s living in a shallot.
• I’m reading a book about onions. So far, it has many layers.
• Why did the onion get detention in school? For being a repeat offender.
• An onion went to the doctor complaining of a bad cold. The doctor said, “It sounds like you have a severe case of layered bronchitis.”

Peeling Back the Layers: The Best Onion Jokes

Ready to cry with laughter? “Peeling Back the Layers: The Best Onion Jokes” digs deep into the surprisingly rich world of onion puns. We’re not just talking about shallow one-liners; prepare for tear-jerkingly clever wordplay and surprisingly poignant jokes. Get ready to discover the humor hidden beneath the papery skin…

• I tried to make an onion ring that could talk, but it just wasn’t very a-peel-ing.
• Onion and garlic went to a fancy dress party. Onion went as a shallot. Garlic went as clove and dagger.
• Onions make me cry; what’s your superpower?
• An onion walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve food here.” The onion replies, “That’s not very shallot of you.”
• If onions ruled the world, would we have shallot-ternative facts?
• Why did the onion get a therapist? It had too many layers of issues to peel back.
• I’m on an onion-only diet; I’ve lost all my friends.
• What do you call an onion that’s a smooth criminal? A shallot-poster.
• You know you’re addicted to onions when you start seeing the world through onion-colored glasses.
• I tried to start an onion-themed self-help group, but it was too emotional. People just kept peeling away their feelings.
• My dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates the finer things in life, like long walks on the beach and the subtle aroma of caramelized onions. Must love quiet nights and the sound of a shallot sizzling in a pan.
• What’s an onion’s favorite type of movie? Anything with a good cry.
• I tried to write a song about onions. It’s a real tear-jerker.
• What do you call an onion that plays the trumpet? A Toot-en-common.
• Onion rings: Proof that sometimes, the best things in life are deep-fried and come in layers.

Classic Onion Puns: A Cry for Laughter

Dive into the layered world of “Classic Onion Puns: A Cry for Laughter,” where we unearth the shallot-ly hilarious side of onion jokes! From “unpeel-ievably” bad puns to surprisingly sharp wit, we explore why these tear-jerking one-liners persist. Prepare for a good cry… of laughter, as we celebrate the pungent…

• I tried to organize a group of onions, but they kept peeling apart.
• I’m reading a biography about Vidalia: It’s a truly sweet story.
• What do you call an onion that can play the piano well?: A shallot-pianist.
• My therapist told me to embrace my emotions: I’ve been crying like an onion ever since.
• Why did the onion start a band?: Because it had great layers and a killer brass section.
• Onion and gravity are similar in many ways: They both tend to bring tears to my eyes.
• What do you call an onion that became a lawyer?: A shallot-ster.
• I told my wife I was going to make a shallot tart, she said: “That’s a shallot of effort for a tart!”
• I tried to build a house out of onions, but it was too tear-ible.
• Why did the onion get a standing ovation?: It gave a truly layered performance.
• Why was the onion always calm?: Because it knew how to peel back the layers of stress.
• What’s an onion’s favorite type of story?: Anything with a good peel.
• [Image: Onion wearing sunglasses and a leather jacket] Caption: “Deal with it – I’m a shallot more stylish than you think.”
• What do you call an onion that’s always running late?: A shallot-tered mess.
• What’s an onion’s favorite song?: “All About That Bass (I mean, Base).”

Sweet and Sour: Onion Jokes for Every Occasion

Peel back the layers of humor with “Sweet and Sour: Onion Jokes for Every Occasion!” This book is a cry-worthy collection of puns and gags, guaranteed to bring a tear (of laughter!) to your eye. From dad jokes to clever zingers, it’s the perfect way to spice up any gathering….

• Why did the onion join a band? It heard they needed someone with layers of talent.
• You know you’re addicted to onions when you start crying during happy movies.
• Dating an onion is tough: You can never get past their layers.
• What do you call an onion that’s a smooth criminal? Al Sha-lot Capone.
• Onion rings: The perfect food for when you want to cry in public without being judged.
• I tried to make an onion-flavored lollipop, but it was too tear-able.
• Why did the onion go to the doctor? It was feeling a little peeled.
• My therapist told me to embrace my emotions. I told her I’m trying, but I’m an onion, it’s complicated.
• [Image: A single onion wearing a tiny graduation cap] Caption: “Ready to shed some knowledge.”
• What do you call an onion that’s always running late? Tardy-gons.
• I’m not sure what’s heavier: my heart, or a bag of onions.
• The onion said to the garlic: You’re looking clove-ly today.
• I wrote a book about onions, but it was a real tear-jerker.
• My therapist told me to find my inner onion: Be strong, have many layers, and don’t be afraid to make people cry.
• I tried to start an onion-themed dating app, but it was too niche. It needed more a-*peel*.

Food for Thought: Clever Onion Puns Explained

Dive into the layered world of onion humor with “Food for Thought: Clever Onion Puns Explained!” This guide peels back the secrets behind those tear-inducing jokes. Discover the wordplay, the cultural references, and why we find these pungent puns so a-peel-ing. Prepare to cry with laughter and finally understand the…

• I tried to start an onion-themed dating app, but all the members were too emotional.
• My therapist told me to become one with my food; I guess I am an onion now.
• Onions are like people: they both have layers, and they both make me cry.
• Onions and garlic went on a date: it was a very *seasoned* experience.
• Why did the onion get a standing ovation at the concert? Because it had layers of talent.
• I tried to make an onion ring, but it just made me cry.
• I’m starting a new support group for people who are afraid of onions: It’s a safe space where we can peel back our fears together.
• I told my friend I was going to invest in an onion farm; he said: “That sounds like a great way to get *layered*.”
• Why did the onion get expelled from school?: Because it kept cutting up in class.
• What is an onion’s favorite thing to do in the morning?: Peel the day.
• Why did the onion get glasses?: Because it couldn’t see the world without its layers.
• What do you call a bunch of onions playing music together?: A shallot-phony.
• I tried to start an onion-themed self-help group, but it was too emotional for most people.
• The onion just got a promotion, it’s now the head of shallot-egy.
• Onion and a bad joke went to a party: It was tear-able.

Shallot We Laugh: A World of Onion Comedy

Dive into the wonderfully pungent world of ‘Shallot We Laugh: A World of Onion Comedy’! This book isn’t just about crying from laughter (though you might!). It’s a deep dive into onion jokes and puns, exploring why we find humor in these layered vegetables. Prepare for a peeling good time!

• What do you call an onion that’s a talented musician?: A soul-chopping performer.
• Why did the onion start a consulting business?: It was great at peeling back the layers of complex problems.
• I tried to make an onion-flavored lollipop, but it was too tear-ible.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner onion: Be strong, have many layers, and don’t be afraid to make people cry.
• What’s an onion’s favorite game show?: “Peel of Fortune”.
• I’m writing a play about onions, but it’s too tear-jerking.
• Dating an onion is hard, you can never get past their layers.
• What do you call an onion that can play the piano well?: A shallot-pianist.
• What do you call an onion that’s good at fixing things?: A shallot-utionary.
• Why did the onion get a ticket?: It was caught peeling out.
• I’m starting an onion-themed restaurant: The Shallot Stop.
• What do you call an onion that’s a smooth criminal?: A shallot-poster.
• My love for you is like an onion: It has layers.
• I saw an onion wearing a tiny hat. It was a little sauce-some.
• Why did the onion get a job at the art museum?: It was drawn to the layered masterpieces.

Beyond the Tear: Unexpectedly Funny Onion Jokes

Think onion jokes are just about crying? Think again! “Beyond the Tear” digs deeper, unearthing the unexpectedly hilarious side of these layered veggies. Prepare for puns that peel back the mundane and jokes so sharp, they’ll make you laugh until you cry (happy tears, of course!). Get ready to discover…

• I’m not crying, you’re an onion, but you’re still invited to my party.
• What do you call an onion that plays the guitar? A shallot-strummer.
• I tried to start an onion-themed dating app, but it was too tear-ible.
• Why did the onion go to space? To boldly go where no bulb has gone before.
• I told my wife I was going to make an onion tart. She said, “That’s a shallot of effort for a tart!”
• What do you call an onion that’s always telling jokes? A pun-gent comedian.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner onion: Be strong, have many layers, and don’t be afraid to make people cry.
• I saw an onion wearing sunglasses. It was trying to look cool and *cultured*.
• What do you call an onion that’s a smooth criminal? A shallot-poster.
• My friend said I was acting onion-reasonable. I told him, “I’m not sure what you mean, I’m usually shallot-tered!”
• Why did the onion get glasses? Because it couldn’t see the world without its layers.
• I tried to build a house out of onions, but it was too tear-ible.
• My dating profile: Seeking someone who appreciates the finer things in life, like long walks on the beach and the subtle aroma of caramelized onions.
• What does an onion wear to the beach? A shallot-suit.
• “I’m peeling great today” – Said the red onion, confidently.

Spice Up Your Life: A Guide to Great Onion Puns

Ready to peel back the layers of laughter? “Spice Up Your Life: A Guide to Great Onion Puns” is your allium-inate source for truly tear-inducing humor! This isn’t just about bad puns; it’s about crafting clever wordplay that will have everyone saying, “That’s un-beet-able!” Get ready to cry with laughter!

• I tried to create a new recipe, but it was shallot of work, and I’m feeling a little shallot-ered.
• Why did the onion join a dating app?: It heard it was a great way to find someone with layers.
• I’m not crying, you’re an onion, and so is everyone else at this funeral.
• Relationship status: It’s complicated. I’m trying to find a connection with an onion, but it keeps making me cry.
• I’m on a new diet where I only eat shallots. It’s a big shallot-eration from what I’m used to.
• You know what they say: Onions, so good, you’ll be peeling the tears of joy.
• I saw two onions fighting, it was a real shallot-storm.
• Why are onions so bad at keeping secrets?: They always spill the shallots.
• I’m writing a self-help book about onions: It’s all about learning to *peel* back the layers.
• I tried to start a band called “The Onions”, but we kept breaking up. It was just too tear-able.
• I made a delicious onion soup, it was shallot of comfort.
• What do you call an onion that’s a smooth criminal?: A shallot-poster.
• My therapist told me to embrace my flaws, so I became an onion. Now I make everyone cry.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised. It was the onions.
• Why was the onion so angry? It had a shallot of problems!

From Vidalia to Walla Walla: Regional Onion Jokes

Onion jokes are a-peel-ing, but did you know regional varieties inspire their own humor? “From Vidalia to Walla Walla” explores jokes built around the sweet reputations of these famous onions. Think gentle Southern charm versus big, bold Pacific Northwest vibes, all wrapped in layers of punny goodness. It’s a surprisingly…

• “I’m feeling Walla Walla-zy today, guess I’ll just shallot myself in and have a peel-good day.”
• You know you are from Vidalia when you measure sweetness in “Vidalia units.”
• Son: Mom, can we get some Vidalia onions? Mom: You bet Vidalia!
• What did the Walla Walla sweet onion say to the Vidalia onion? “Let’s not get shallot-ered in regional rivalries; we’re both tears-istant!”
• I went to a Vidalia onion convention. It was a real *sweet* success.
• What do you call a Walla Walla onion dressed in a tuxedo? A shallot-isticated gentleman.
• Why did the Walla Walla onion refuse to fight? It didn’t want to start any layers of conflict.
• What’s a Vidalia onion’s favorite movie?: *Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Onions*.
• I tried to start a Walla Walla onion fan club, but it kept attracting people with too many layers of personality.
• Vidalia onions are like compliments; they always make you feel good, even if they’re a little layered.
• What do you call a Walla Walla onion that’s a smooth criminal? A shallot-poster.
• What does a Vidalia onion say when it’s feeling down? “I’m feeling a little *peeled* today.”
• What does a Vidalia onion wear to the beach? A shallot-suit.
• I was going to make a joke about Walla Walla onions, but it was too shallot-tered.
• [Image: A confused-looking onion in front of a map of the United States, with speech bubbles pointing to Vidalia, Georgia, and Walla Walla, Washington] Caption: When you’re an onion, and you don’t know where you belong.