150 Best Marriage Jokes and Puns: Rib-Tickling Lines for Your Big Day

Is your marriage a sitcom waiting to happen? Or maybe you just need a good laugh to diffuse those “disagreeable” moments? You’ve come to the right place!

Get ready to chuckle, guffaw, and maybe even snort-laugh with our collection of hilarious marriage jokes and puns. We’ve rounded up the best one-liners and witty observations about wedded bliss (and occasional madness) to brighten your day.

From the honeymoon phase to the “honey-do” list, prepare for some relatable humor that celebrates the rollercoaster that is marriage. Let the laughter begin!

Best Marriage Jokes and Puns: Rib-Tickling Lines for Your Big Day

• My wife asked if I was listening to her. I thought it was a trick question.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired of marriage!
• My wife and I have a secret to making marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a restaurant, candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
• Wife: “Honey, do you think I’m a bad driver?” Husband: “No, darling, you’re perfectly adequate…for a getaway car.”
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• Marriage: An endless sleepover with your favorite weirdo.
• My wife caught me replacing all the batteries in the smoke detector with expired ones. I told her, “Don’t worry, honey, I’ve got everything under control.” She wasn’t amused.
• Relationship status: Currently accepting applications for someone to load the dishwasher the way I like.
• I thought I was happily married, but my wife changed the relationship status on Facebook.
• My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
• My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We’re having coffee now. He’s a nice guy.
• Before marriage, a man declares he would lay down his life for you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down the remote.
• My wife’s cooking is so bad, we usually pray after the meal.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: The Ultimate Collection

Need a laugh to lighten the load of wedded bliss (or the pre-wedding jitters)? “Marriage Jokes and Puns: The Ultimate Collection” is your go-to guide! Packed with hilarious one-liners, clever quips, and groan-worthy puns about everything from in-laws to anniversaries, this book guarantees a good time. It’s the perfect gift…

• Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.
• My wife asked me to fix the toilet. I told her I’m not sure I’m qualified, I don’t want to get in too deep.
• Why did the toilet paper get a therapist: It had too many issues and felt used.
• First date: I meant to say, “You look beautiful.” What came out was, “You look bootiful.” It’s been downhill ever since.
• Image Macro: A picture of a sleeping bear with the caption: “My spirit animal during hibernation season.”
• Warning: May spontaneously burst into song, especially when confronted with awkward silences.
• Why did the celebrity hire a morning breath consultant: To avoid a scandal in the press.
• I tried to be romantic and serenade my date with a ukulele, but I only knew one chord.
• Why did the toilet get a bad grade: Because it was always full of c-rap.
• My ex and I were like two magnets… repelling each other with increasing force.
• Why did the plumber faint? He saw all the *drain*age!
• Image Macro: A picture of a person with a headset and a microphone with the caption: “Relationship status: Currently accepting applications for a new podcast co-host (ex-free).”
• I accidentally sent a blank email to my entire department with the subject line “Urgent.”
• Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.
• My wife says my snoring keeps her up all night. I told her, “Maybe you should try sleeping in a different time zone.”

Marriage Jokes and Puns: Keeping the Spark Alive

Marriage: a bond strengthened by love, laughter, and maybe a well-placed pun. Explore the humorous side of “I do” with marriage jokes and puns! From witty observations about in-laws to relatable quips about shared chores, humor can be a secret weapon. Keeping the spark alive means finding joy in the…

• I told my wife she was losing her hair, and she gave me the silent treatment. I guess that’s how alopecia.
• My wife asked me if I was even listening to her. I thought that was a rather odd way to start a conversation.
• My wife and I have the perfect arrangement: I make the big decisions, and she makes the small ones. So far, we’ve only made small ones.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park: mainly because the wife does all the work.
• My wife said I never buy her flowers. I didn’t know she sold them.
• I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary: She told me, “I want a divorce!” I told her, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much!”
• My wife said I have two faults: I don’t listen and something else.
• Why did the cell phone break up with the charger? It felt used and drained
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple in bed, one person awake and glaring, the other snoring with Zzz’s coming out of their head. Caption: “Marriage.”
• My wife and I are holding hands in the car. I said, “Honey, I love you.” She said, “If you don’t keep your eyes on the road, you won’t be loving anyone.”
• My wife said I’m insensitive. I asked her, “What?”
• I asked my wife if she’d still love me if I was a worm. She said, “Of course I would, I’d just miss your wallet.”
• My wife said she wanted something sparkly for her birthday, so I bought her a can of Sprite.
• My wife asked me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We’re having coffee now. He’s a nice guy.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: For the Bride and Groom-to-Be

Planning a wedding? Take a break from seating charts and floral arrangements! “Marriage Jokes and Puns” offers lighthearted relief, poking fun at the quirks of married life. From pre-wedding jitters to the honeymoon phase (and beyond!), this collection is perfect for adding a touch of humor to your speeches, toasts,…

• Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life… and then signing a legally binding contract to do so.
• My wife and I have reached that stage of marriage where we finish each other’s sentences… with a passive-aggressive tone.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to irritate for the rest of your life.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park… Jurassic Park.
• My wife asked me if I was even listening to her. I thought that was a rather odd way to start a conversation.
• My wife and I have an arrangement: I make the big decisions, and she makes the small ones. So far, we’ve only made small ones.
• My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
• Marriage is like a deck of cards: in the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
• **Image Macro:** A picture of a couple sleeping in separate rooms, caption: “Compromise.”
• My wife said she wanted something sparkly for her birthday, so I bought her a can of Sprite.
• Before marriage, a man declares he would lay down his life for you; after marriage, he won’t even lay down the remote.
• My wife and I have a perfect understanding. I understand she’s always right.
• My wife’s cooking is so bad, we usually pray after the meal.
• I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, “I want a divorce!” I told her, “I wasn’t planning on spending that much!”
• Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: Humorous Takes on Married Life

Marriage: a beautiful, challenging, and endlessly funny institution! Dive into the world of marriage jokes and puns, where we poke lighthearted fun at the everyday realities of wedded bliss (and occasional discord). From nagging spouses to shared bathroom struggles, prepare to laugh at the relatable quirks and comical dynamics of…

• Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
• My wife and I have a perfect understanding: I understand that she’s always right.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park: You’re guaranteed to find some trash along the way.
• I told my wife she was overreacting: She burst into tears and said, “That’s exactly what you always say!”
• Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
• My wife asked if I was listening to her. I thought it was a trick question.
• Marriage is like a deck of cards: In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you’re looking for a club and a spade.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high: She seemed surprised.
• Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life…and then signing a legally binding contract to do so.
• I told my wife I was going to start a collection of public restroom signs. She said, “That’s a crappy hobby.”
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple sleeping in separate rooms, caption: “Compromise.”
• Why did the bicycle fall over? Because it was two tired of marriage.
• My wife and I have a secret to making marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a restaurant, candlelight dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
• A man walks into a library and asks for books about marriage. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
• Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: Anniversary Edition

Celebrate another year of wedded bliss with “Marriage Jokes and Puns: Anniversary Edition”! This collection serves up fresh takes on the familiar joys and tribulations of married life. From playful digs at in-laws to witty observations on shared habits, it’s the perfect way to laugh your way through the milestones,…

• My wife told me to take the spider out instead of killing it. We’re having coffee now. He seems like a great guy.
• Marriage is mostly shouting “What?” from other rooms.
• My wife asked me if I even listen to her. I thought that was a rather odd way to start a conversation.
• Marriage is a relationship where one person is always right, and the other is the husband.
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple sleeping in separate rooms, caption: “Compromise.”
• What’s the best way to remember your anniversary? Forget it once.
• My wife said I have two faults: I don’t listen and something else.
• Image Macro: A tombstone that reads “Here lies my dating life.”
• Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park…Jurassic Park.
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to irritate for the rest of your life.
• I just want to be someone’s “old married” with them.
• Why did the couple break up over a board game? Too much trouble in paradise!
• “I love you, but I can’t take another night of your snoring. I’m moving to Antarctica.” “But honey, it’s cold there!” “Exactly.”
• I’m not saying I’m over my ex, but my Spotify playlist is now 90% Adele.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: Jokes to Tell Your Spouse

Spice up your marriage with laughter! “Marriage Jokes and Puns” offers a collection of lighthearted quips perfect for sharing with your spouse. From playful jabs at married life to pun-tastic observations about commitment, this book provides a fun way to connect and celebrate your unique bond. Because a little humor…

• I told my wife she was overreacting about our finances: She burst into tears and said, “That’s exactly what you always say!”
• Marriage is mostly just shouting “What?” from other rooms.
• My wife and I have a perfect understanding: I understand she’s always right.
• My wife asked if I even listen to her. I thought that was a rather odd way to start a conversation.
• My wife said I had two faults: I don’t listen and something else.
• I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
• My wife asked me to fix the sink, but I told her I’m no good with pressure. I don’t want to crack under it.
• My wife and I have a perfect arrangement: I make the big decisions, and she makes the small ones. So far, we’ve only made small ones.
• My wife says my snoring sounds like a rusty chainsaw starting up. I think she’s exaggerating… slightly.
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple sleeping in separate rooms, caption: “Compromise.”
• Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple in bed, one person awake and glaring, the other snoring with Zzz’s coming out of their head. Caption: “Marriage.”
• Marriage is mostly just shouting “What?” from other rooms.
• Marriage is finding that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life:
• Marriage is like a walk in the park: mainly because the wife does all the work.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: Avoiding Marital Discord with Humor

Marriage jokes and puns can be a minefield! Tread carefully, but don’t be afraid to laugh. Clever humor, shared with love and understanding, can actually diffuse tension and strengthen your bond. Just remember to poke fun at the *situation*, not your spouse. A little self-deprecating humor goes a long way…

• I told my wife she was overreacting to my hoarding tendencies: She burst into tears and said, “That’s exactly what you always say!”
• **Image Macro:** A picture of two dinosaurs arguing, captioned: “Prehistoric marital problems.”
• My wife asked me to fix the washing machine. I told her, “Honey, I’m a lover, not a laundromat.” It didn’t go over well.
• Marriage is like a walk in the park: You’re guaranteed to find some trash along the way, and you’re not sure who left it there.
• I tried to be helpful and loaded the dishwasher. My wife said, “That’s not how you do it!” I guess dishwashing is a competitive sport in my house.
• **Image Macro:** A picture of a couple sitting on opposite ends of a couch, each staring at their phones, captioned: “Marriage: Still together, but now with WiFi.”
• My wife said I never listen. Or something like that.
• Relationship status: Married. It’s like having a permanent roommate who you sometimes have to pretend to like.
• I thought I was being romantic and surprised my wife with a weekend getaway. Turns out, she had already planned one with her friends.
• My wife said I’m insensitive. I said, “What?”
• **Image Macro:** A picture of a couple in bed, one person asleep and snoring, the other wide awake and glaring, captioned: “Marriage: An endless battle for sleep.”
• My wife and I have reached that stage of marriage where we finish each other’s sandwiches.
• Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
• What’s the difference between a wife and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.
• I tried to be helpful and cleaned the house. My wife said, “Thanks, but you missed a spot.” I guess cleaning is a never-ending battle.

Marriage Jokes and Puns: Relationship Advice Disguised as Comedy

Marriage jokes and puns, aren’t they funny because they’re true? Behind the playful jabs at in-laws and the eternal struggle over the thermostat lies a nugget of truth about relationships. These comedic gems often highlight common pitfalls, offering subtle (and hilarious) advice about communication, compromise, and the beautiful chaos of…

• I overheard my wife talking about me in her sleep last night. Apparently, I’m a “work in progress… with no manual.”
• Why did the cell phone and charger finally get married? Because they were so well connected!
• Marriage is like a walk in the park…if the park is Jurassic Park and you’re being chased by velociraptors.
• My wife asked me to fix the washing machine. I told her, “Honey, I’m a lover, not a laundromat.”
• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple sleeping in separate beds, with the caption: “Marriage: Where ‘good night’ means ‘prepare for a symphony of snoring’.”
• Why did the two brooms get married? They were meant to sweep each other off their feet.
• I tried to write a love song for my wife, but all the good rhymes were taken. Apparently, “beautiful” and “dutiful” were already claimed.
• My wife and I have reached that stage of marriage where we finish each other’s sentences… mostly with an eye roll.
• Why did the two highlighters get married? Because they found true love and wanted to light up each other’s lives.
• Marriage is a workshop where the husband works and the wife shops.
• Relationship status: In a committed relationship with my wife. It’s pretty serious… she has a restraining order against all other women.
• My wife said I never compliment her. I told her, “Honey, you’re perfect… at spending my money.”
• Image Macro: A picture of a couple sitting on a couch, each staring at their phones, with the caption: “Marriage: Still together, but now with WiFi.”
• Why did the two mountains decide to get married? They were just meant to peak together.