150 Best Maryland Jokes and Puns That Will Make You Crab Up

Ever feel like you’re crabby and need a good laugh? Then you’ve come to the right place! Get ready to dive headfirst into a hilarious collection of Maryland jokes and puns that are sure to tickle your funny bone, whether you’re a local or just a fan of the Old Line State.

From jokes about our famous blue crabs to playful takes on Baltimore’s charm, we’ve got a bushel of humor for everyone. Prepare yourself for some cheesy, some witty, and all-around good fun with these Maryland themed giggles.

Best Maryland Jokes and Puns That Will Make You Crab Up

• Why did the crab get a bad grade in school? Because it was always shell-shocked during exams!
• I tried to make a Maryland-style crab cake, but it was a real shell of a failure.
• Maryland drivers are like crabs; they move sideways and never in a straight line.
• What do you call a lazy crab? A crab-nap!
• I went to a Maryland seafood restaurant and asked if they had any specials. The waiter replied, “We’re all about that crab life.”
• Why did the tourist love Maryland so much? Because it was simply crab-tivating!
• A Marylander walks into a bakery and asks for a “Berger cookie”. The baker says, “Certainly! Which one do you want? We have about 20 Berger cookies today”. The Marylander replies “I just want *the* Berger cookie, you know the one”.
• My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes, so I decided to try driving on 695 during rush hour again.
• Maryland weather is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s usually humid.
• Heard about the Maryland farmer who couldn’t get his crops to grow? He said his land was just a little too crab-by.
• Maryland is the only state where “hon” is a perfectly acceptable term of endearment… even from a stranger at a gas station.
• What’s a Marylander’s favorite social media platform? Instacrab!
• My Maryland friend tried to explain the difference between “hoagies,” “subs,” and “grinders.” I just nodded and ordered a crab cake.
• A tourist asked a Marylander, “Do you guys just eat crabs all day?” The Marylander, mid-bite into a crab cake, replied, “Well, what else *is* there?”
• I’m not saying Maryland has a lot of crabs, but I saw one trying to parallel park on Pratt Street this morning.

Maryland Jokes: Crab-tivating Humor

Dive into the delightful world of “Maryland Jokes and Puns,” where “Crab-tivating Humor” reigns supreme! Get ready for a shell-arious time with jokes about our beloved blue crabs, Old Bay seasoning, and the Chesapeake Bay. From silly puns to witty one-liners, this collection will have you laughing like you’ve just…

• Why did the Marylander bring a ladder to the crab feast? He heard the shellfish were on a higher level of deliciousness.
• Maryland’s state bird should be the crab, because they’re always clawing for attention.
• I tried to make a joke about Maryland’s traffic, but it was too congested to get to the punchline.
• What do you call a Marylander who loves to shop for seafood? A real shell-seeker.
• Relationship status: In a complicated relationship with Maryland’s humidity; it’s always a little too clingy.
• Why did the Maryland crab get a bad grade? Because it was always below sea level in math class.
• A Marylander’s favorite workout? Doing the crab walk, naturally.
• Heard about the Marylander who opened a seafood restaurant? It was a real shell-out success, and the customers were hooked.
• Why did the Maryland lighthouse start a band? It wanted to have some good light-hearted fun and become a real beacon of music.
• Maryland drivers are like crabs: they move sideways and never get where they are going in a straight line.
• I tried to write a song about Maryland’s seafood, but it was a little too *fishy* for my taste.
• What do you call a Maryland ghost that loves to shop? A *haunt*-ique collector, always looking for a good deal on vintage treasures.
• A Marylander walks into a library and asks for books about the sea. The librarian says, “We have a whole section on ‘shore’ stories.”
• Why did the Maryland crab refuse to share his food? He was feeling a little shellfish about his secret recipe.
• Maryland’s state motto should be: “We’re not just crabs, we’re also really good at being historic and beautiful…and eating crabs.”

Maryland Puns: A Shell-arious Collection

Looking for a laugh that’s as Maryland as a blue crab feast? “Maryland Puns: A Shell-arious Collection” is your go-to guide! This book dives deep into the witty world of Maryland jokes and puns, offering a treasure trove of wordplay. From “crustacean” puns to “bay-tiful” one-liners, it’s guaranteed to make…

• Maryland’s state bird? The Old Bay seasoning shaker.
• Why did the crab get a bad grade in art class? It couldn’t draw a straight line, always going sideways.
• Maryland drivers: Where the speed limit is just a suggestion and lane lines are merely decorative.
• Heard about the Marylander who opened a bakery? It was a real “crust-acean” of a success.
• What’s a Marylander’s favorite type of music? Anything with a good “crab”-beat.
• A Marylander walks into a bar, orders a drink, and asks, “Do you have any Old Bay?” The bartender replies, “Do *you* have any Old Bay?”
• Why did the oyster refuse to share his secrets? He was feeling a little *shell-fish*.
• Maryland’s idea of a scenic drive? Finding a parking spot near the water, even if it’s two blocks from your destination.
• I tried to make a joke about Maryland’s seafood, but it was a bit too “fishy” for me.
• My therapist told me to embrace my flaws, so I moved to Maryland and learned to navigate traffic on 695.
• Relationship status: In a complicated relationship with Maryland’s humidity, it’s always a little clingy.
• What do you call a Maryland ghost who loves to shop? A haunt-ique collector always looking for a good deal on vintage treasures…and crab mallets.
• Why did the Maryland lighthouse start a band? It wanted to have some good light-hearted fun and become a real beacon of music and crab picking.
• Maryland’s state motto should be: “We’re not just crabs, we’re also really good at being historic and beautiful… and eating crabs with Old Bay.”
• A Marylander’s favorite workout? Doing the crab walk, naturally, with a side of Old Bay on everything.

Funny Maryland Jokes: From the Bay to the Mountains

Ready for some laughs? “Funny Maryland Jokes: From the Bay to the Mountains” dives deep into the quirky humor of the Old Line State. Think crab puns, traffic tribulations on the Beltway, and maybe a few jokes about those confusing Baltimore accents. It’s a collection guaranteed to bring a smile…

• Why did the Maryland crab blush at the party? Because it saw the Old Bay seasoning and got a little *sauce-y*.
• A Marylander’s favorite magic trick? Making a pile of crabs disappear, one Old Bay-dusted bite at a time.
• Maryland: Where the traffic is heavy, the accents are thick, and the crab cakes are worth every penny.
• I tried to write a love song about Maryland, but it kept getting tangled up in the blue crab’s claws and the salty air of the Chesapeake Bay.
• Heard about the Marylander who opened a seafood restaurant on a boat? It was a real *crab-tivating* experience.
• Why did the Marylander bring a map to the crab feast? He wanted to navigate the shell-shocking terrain of the table.
• Relationship status: In a complicated relationship with Maryland’s humidity, it’s always a little too close for comfort and makes my hair do things I never thought possible.
• Maryland’s state motto should be: “We’re not just crabs, we’re also really good at complaining about traffic…and eating crabs.”
• What do you call a Maryland ghost that loves to shop for antiques? A *haunt-ique* collector always looking for a good deal on vintage treasures and the perfect crab mallet.
• A Marylander’s favorite workout? Doing the crab walk, naturally, while simultaneously complaining about traffic and the price of crab.
• Why did the Maryland lighthouse get a promotion? It was always shining bright, a real beacon of excellence, and it never took any fog days… or crab breaks.
• Maryland drivers are like crabs: they move sideways, never in a straight line and usually have a side of road rage.
• I tried to make a joke about Maryland’s traffic, but it was too congested to get to the punchline; it was a real jam session.
• A tourist asked a Marylander, “Do you guys just eat crabs all day?” The Marylander, mid-bite into a crab cake, replied, “Well, what else *is* there? And maybe some Old Bay.”
• Maryland’s weather is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s usually humid with a side of rain.

Maryland-Themed Puns: State Pride and Wordplay

Maryland jokes, especially puns, are a whole crab feast of fun! From “Oyster-rific” to “Crabby” situations, we love weaving our state pride into wordplay. It’s more than just laughs; it’s a celebration of all things Maryland, from the Bay to our beloved flag. Get ready for some pun-tastic state pride!

• Why did the Marylander bring a ladder to the seafood restaurant? He heard the specials were on the “high-sea” menu.
• A Marylander’s favorite type of music is anything with a good “crab-beat.”
• Heard about the crab who became a detective? He was great at solving shell-shocking cases.
• Maryland’s state motto should be: “We’re not just Old Bay, we’re also pretty good at navigating roundabouts.”
• What do you call a Maryland ghost who loves to cook? A haunt-chef, always whipping up some ghostly crab cakes.
• Why did the crab get a ticket? It was pinching the wrong tail and going too fast on the bay.
• Maryland drivers: where traffic circles are just a suggestion, and lane lines are optional.
• My therapist told me to embrace my flaws, so I moved to Maryland and learned to navigate 695 during rush hour.
• A Marylander’s favorite exercise is the crab walk, especially when it involves dodging potholes.
• Why did the lighthouse get a promotion? It was always shining above and beyond a beacon of excellence, and never took any crab breaks.
• Relationship status: In a complicated relationship with Maryland’s humidity, it’s always a little too clingy, and makes my hair resemble a crab’s nest.
• What’s a Marylander’s favorite type of joke? Anything with a good “crab-tivating” punchline.
• I tried to write a song about Maryland, but it kept getting tangled in the blue crab’s claws and the salty air of the Chesapeake Bay.
• Why did the Marylander bring a map to the crab feast? He heard the shellfish were on a higher level of deliciousness, and he needed to navigate the shell-shocking terrain.
• What do you call a Maryland ghost that loves to shop? A *haunt-ique* collector always looking for vintage treasures…and crab mallets.

Maryland Crab Jokes: All About the Crustaceans

You can’t talk Maryland jokes without mentioning crabs! “Maryland Crab Jokes: All About the Crustaceans” dives deep into the shell-arious world of our state’s favorite critter. From pinching puns to sideways-walking wit, this collection is guaranteed to make you crack up. So, grab a mallet and get ready for some…

• Why did the crab get a job as a bank teller? Because he was good at handling *shell* transactions.
• I tried to teach my pet crab to play the piano, but he kept getting *claw-strophobic* near the keys.
• Maryland crabs are so good, they’re like tiny, delicious royalty; you could say they’re *crab-solutely* the best.
• A crab walks into a library and asks for books about the sea. The librarian replies, “We have a whole section on *shore* stories.”
• You know you’re in Maryland when the local news includes a daily “Crab Report” with updates on the catch.
• I asked a Maryland crab for his favorite type of music. He said, “Anything with a good *claw-d* beat.”
• What do you call a crab that’s always telling jokes? A real *shell-arious* comedian.
• My therapist told me to embrace my inner crab, so I started walking sideways everywhere and hoarding Old Bay.
• Maryland is so obsessed with crabs, we should just change our state motto to “In Crust We Trust.”
• Heard about the crab who became a detective? He was excellent at cracking the *shell* cases.
• Why did the crab get a promotion at the restaurant? Because he was always *pinching* in to help.
• A Maryland crab’s favorite game? Hide and seek, mostly because they’re great at blending into the *shell-ter*.
• I tried to make a Maryland crab cake, but it was a real *shell* of a failure; I think I added too much Old Bay.
• Two crabs are having a conversation. One says, “I’m feeling a little *crabby*.” The other replies, “Well, you’re in Maryland, that’s practically a lifestyle.”
• A Maryland crab walks into a bar, orders a drink, and says, “This place is *shell*-terrific!”

Maryland Food Puns: A Taste of Humor

Craving a laugh? Dive into “Maryland Food Puns: A Taste of Humor”! It’s a delicious side dish to the main course of Maryland jokes. From “crab-tivating” wordplay to “Old Bay”-sically funny quips, this collection offers a lighthearted way to celebrate the state’s iconic eats. Get ready for some pun-believable fun!

• Maryland crabs are so good, they’re a real *shell*-ebration of flavor.
• I tried to make a Maryland crab soup, but it was a little *bisque*-y for my taste.
• Why did the crab get a speeding ticket on the Chesapeake Bay? It was pinching the wrong tail and going too fast!
• A Marylander’s favorite workout? The crab walk with a side of Old Bay seasoning.
• Maryland seafood is so fresh, it’s like it just jumped out of the bay and onto my plate, a real *catch* of the day.
• Heard about the Marylander who opened a bakery? It was a real *crust*-acean of a success, with all sorts of crab-themed pastries.
• Maryland crab cakes are so good, they’re *crab-solutely* the best, a real taste of the sea.
• Why did the Maryland crab blush at the party? Because it saw the Old Bay and got a little *sauce-y*.
• I tried to make a joke about Maryland seafood, but it was a little too *fishy* for my taste.
• Maryland’s state motto should be: “We’re not just about crabs, but they are *claw*-some”.
• Relationship status: In a committed relationship with Maryland’s crab feasts; it’s a real *shell*-out experience.
• Maryland’s obsession with crabs is a real *pinch* of a tradition.
• A Maryland crab walks into a bar, orders a drink, and says, “This place is *shell*-terrific!”
• Why did the Maryland crab get a bad grade? It was always below sea level in math class, and his claws kept pinching the paper.
• I tried to write a love song about Maryland seafood, but it kept getting tangled in the blue crab’s claws and the salty air of the Chesapeake Bay.

Maryland Place Puns: Joking Around the State

Maryland’s a goldmine for pun lovers! “Maryland Place Puns: Joking Around the State” takes geographical humor to new levels. From “Annapolis-ing” situations to “Baltimore-ing” yourself into trouble, it’s a playful way to explore the state. You’ll find silly takes on towns, cities, and landmarks, proving Maryland’s more than just crabs…

• Why did the Baltimorean bring a ladder to the aquarium? He heard the exhibits were on a higher level of *sea*life.
• Annapolis: Where the history is deep, and the parking is a real *bay*mare.
• Hagerstown’s local band always plays rock-solid tunes, they’re really *hager* than ever.
• Ocean City: Where the waves are crashing, and the prices are *shore* to rise.
• Why did the crab get a job at the Frederick brewery? Because he was a *shell*-out for quality beer.
• A trip to Bethesda is always a *bet-the-best-da*y out for shopping.
• Ellicott City’s antique shops are so unique, they’re a real *elli-quot* of the past.
• I tried to make a joke about Gaithersburg, but it was too *gait-hering* dust.
• Columbia’s music scene is so vibrant, it’s always a *colum-beat* of energy.
• The weather in Salisbury is always a little *salty* and unpredictable.
• Why did the crab get lost in Rockville? He kept taking *rocky* turns.
• I went to a poetry slam in Silver Spring; it was a real *silver-tongued* competition.
• A visit to Cumberland is always a *cumber-some* but worthwhile trip into Maryland’s mountains.
• The seafood in Cambridge is so fresh, it’s a real *cam-breeze* of the bay.
• I tried to make a joke about Bowie, but it was a little too *bow-ing* to the ordinary.

Maryland Sports Jokes: Home Team Hilarity

Looking for a good laugh, Maryland style? “Maryland Sports Jokes: Home Team Hilarity” is your playbook! From Orioles blunders to Ravens rivalries, this collection tackles our beloved teams with playful jabs and witty one-liners. It’s a perfect slice of Maryland humor, proving even when our teams stumble, we can always…

• Why did the Baltimore Orioles bring a map to the plate? They heard the opposing pitcher had a wicked curveball, and they needed to find their way back home.
• A Maryland Terrapin walks into a sports bar, orders a drink, and says, “Make it snappy!”
• Heard about the Ravens player who opened a bakery? He was known for his “touchdown” cookies.
• Relationship status: In a complicated relationship with the Baltimore Orioles’ inconsistent performance, it’s a real love-hate game.
• Why did the Maryland Terrapins hire a detective? They heard the other team was up to some shell-shocking plays.
• I tried to write a song about the Baltimore Ravens, but it kept getting tackled by writer’s block.
• A Marylander’s favorite workout? The crab walk, but with a football in hand.
• Why are Baltimore Ravens fans so good at puzzles? They always know how to put together a winning team.
• What do you call a Baltimore Orioles player who’s always on time? A clockwork Oriole.
• My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes, so I became a Washington Commanders fan.
• Why did the Maryland Terrapin bring a ladder to the basketball game? He heard the other team was playing above the rim, and he needed to get a better shell-view.
• Heard the Baltimore Orioles hired a comedian? They needed someone to make their losing streak a little more bearable.
• What’s a Maryland Terrapin’s favorite type of movie? Anything with a good shell-raiser of a plot.
• I tried to make a joke about the Washington Commanders, but it was a fumble.
• Why did the Baltimore Raven bring a compass to the stadium? He heard the other team had a tricky defense and wanted to find the path to victory.