150 Best Newcastle United Jokes and Memes The Funniest Magpie Laughs Online

Are you a Toon Army fan looking for a laugh? Or maybe you just enjoy a good football joke? Either way, you’ve come to the right place! We’ve scoured the internet to bring you the very best Newcastle United jokes and memes, guaranteed to raise a smile (or at least a knowing chuckle).

From classic gags about our legendary players to hilarious takes on recent matches, we’ve got it all. Get ready to dive into a collection of witty banter and relatable content that only a true Newcastle supporter can fully appreciate.

So, whether you’re celebrating a win or commiserating a loss, let these Newcastle United jokes and memes provide some much-needed comedic relief. Let the laughter begin!

Best Newcastle United Jokes and Memes The Funniest Magpie Laughs Online

• Why did the Newcastle player bring a ladder to the match? He heard they were going to climb the table!
• What do you call a Newcastle supporter who’s always late? A Magpie-late!
• I tried to write a song about Newcastle’s defense, but it was too full of holes.
• Newcastle’s performance was so up and down, it was like watching a yo-yo in a hurricane.
• Did you hear about the Newcastle fan who only ate black and white foods? He was a bit of a Magpie-diet!
• What’s a Geordie’s favorite subject in school? Football, obviously! Especially when Newcastle are winning.
• A Newcastle fan walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
• Why did the chicken cross the Tyne Bridge? To prove he wasn’t a Sunderland fan!
• I told my friend Newcastle would win, and he said “You’re dreaming!” I replied, “Yeah, and the dream is in black and white.”
• Newcastle’s tactics are like a rollercoaster. Sometimes you’re cheering, sometimes you’re clutching your stomach.
• What’s the difference between a Newcastle supporter and a seagull? One has a football team; the other just craps on everything.
• I saw a Newcastle player trying to make a sandwich. I asked what he was making, he said, “A goal, but it’s not working.”
• My therapist said I have a football obsession. I told him, “No, I have a Newcastle obsession, it’s completely different!”
• Newcastle’s form is like my internet connection, sometimes brilliant, mostly buffering.
• A Newcastle fan’s car got a flat tire on the way to the game. He said, “Typical, even my car is getting deflated like our hopes.”

Newcastle United Jokes: The Funniest Gags About the Magpies

Looking for a laugh at Newcastle’s expense? “Newcastle United Jokes: The Funniest Gags About the Magpies” dives into the world of football humour, specifically targeting the Toon. Whether it’s their on-field antics or off-field mishaps, this book, part of the larger “Newcastle United Jokes and Memes” collection, guarantees some light-hearted…

• Newcastle’s transfer policy is like a magpie’s nest: a bit of everything, shiny and new, but you’re not entirely sure if it all works together.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactics using a black and white board, but it just kept getting confused and sliding off the table.
• Newcastle’s defence is like a flock of magpies, they swoop in to steal the ball, but sometimes they just end up squawking at each other, and letting the opposition pass.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was a fan of magic, he said, “I prefer our ‘sleight of foot’ passing game, but sometimes the ball just disappears into the stands”.
• Newcastle’s new stadium tour includes a ‘how to make a great noise’ experience, where you can join in with the fans, and learn all the chants.
• Newcastle’s midfield is like a group of magpies trying to build a nest, lots of darting around, but they often drop the bits and pieces, and then start again.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s season with a yo-yo, but it kept getting stuck in the middle, and then just kind of wobbled a bit.
• Newcastle’s trophy cabinet is like a black and white photograph, a reminder of glories past, and a lot of dust.
• If Newcastle were a type of weather, they’d be a mixed bag: some sunshine, some rain, and a high chance of a very loud and passionate atmosphere, and a lot of people wearing black and white.
• I asked a Newcastle fan if he was an optimist, he said, “I’m hoping we don’t concede three goals in the first half, and maybe, just maybe, we might score one, and then we’ll all just start singing, and then we’ll do it all again next week.”
• Newcastle’s new training regime involves practicing how to fly, they’re trying to get the players to move with the same grace as a magpie, but they mostly just fall over.
• Newcastle’s away form is like a road trip with a dodgy sat-nav, you never know where you’ll end up, but it’s usually not where you planned, and the journey is always very loud.
• I saw a Newcastle player trying to use a compass; he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and then he was very confused, and then he just started singing.
• Newcastle’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is ever in the box, and the cake is always a bit dry.
• Newcastle’s attack is like a flock of magpies, they swoop down quickly, but sometimes they just end up squawking and missing their target.

Newcastle United Memes: Laughing Through the Ups and Downs

Newcastle United’s rollercoaster journey is perfectly captured in the world of memes! From hilarious gaffs to moments of pure brilliance, the Toon Army’s online humor is a constant source of entertainment. “Newcastle United Memes: Laughing Through the Ups and Downs” reflects the passionate, often self-deprecating, spirit of the fans, finding…

• Newcastle’s new training regime includes learning how to ‘magpie’ a goal from nowhere.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactics using a chessboard, but the pieces kept moving in unpredictable, black and white patterns.
• Heard Newcastle’s new stadium tour includes a ‘How to make a lot of noise’ workshop, and a demonstration of how to wear black and white.
• Newcastle’s defense is like a flock of magpies, they swoop in to steal the ball, but sometimes they just end up squawking at each other.
• If Newcastle were a type of weather, they’d be a mixed bag: some sunshine, some rain, and a high chance of a very loud and passionate atmosphere.
• Newcastle’s midfield is like a group of magpies trying to build a nest, lots of darting around, but they often drop the bits and pieces, and then start again.
• Newcastle’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive singing and a need to wave black and white flags”.
• A Newcastle fan walks into a library and asks for books about consistency, the librarian just points to the local pub.
• Why did the Newcastle player bring a ladder to the match? He heard they were going to climb the table, and he wanted to see it from a good vantage point.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was a fan of magic, he said, “I prefer our ‘sleight of foot’ passing game, but sometimes the ball just disappears into the stands, and then we all just sing”.
• Newcastle’s recent form is like my internet connection, sometimes brilliant, mostly buffering, and with a lot of loud background noise.
• Newcastle’s away form is like a road trip with a dodgy sat-nav, you never know where you’ll end up, but it’s usually not where you planned, and the journey is always very loud, and you always end up singing the same song on repeat.
• Newcastle’s new signing was described as a ‘game changer’, turns out he was just changing the channel to a different match, and then we all just started singing.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s season with a yo-yo, but it kept getting stuck in the middle, and then just kind of wobbled a bit, and then we all just started singing.
• Heard Newcastle’s new training regime involves practicing how to make a lot of noise, they say it improves team morale, and confuses the opposition, and sometimes the opposition just starts singing along.

Newcastle United Jokes and Memes: From St James’ Park to the Internet

Newcastle United fans, known for their passionate support, have a unique sense of humour that shines through in countless jokes and memes. From St. James’ Park terraces to the wild west of the internet, their wit is as sharp as a Shearer volley. These online quips and visual gags, born…

• Newcastle’s midfield is like a flock of magpies, lots of shiny potential, but sometimes they just squawk at each other.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactics using a chessboard, but the pieces just kept moving in unpredictable black and white patterns, and then started singing.
• A Newcastle fan walks into a library and asks for books about consistency, the librarian just points to the local pub, and then to the history section.
• Newcastle’s recent form is like my internet connection: sometimes brilliant, mostly buffering, and with a lot of loud background noise.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was a fan of magic, he said, “I prefer our ‘sleight of foot’ passing game, but sometimes the ball just disappears into the stands, and then we all just start singing”.
• Newcastle’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive singing and a need to wave black and white flags, and sometimes a spontaneous trip to the pub”.
• Newcastle’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is ever in the box, and the cake is always a bit dry, and the music is just a loud chant.
• I saw a Newcastle player trying to use a compass; he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and then he was very confused, and then he just started singing, and then we all joined in.
• Newcastle’s away form is like a road trip with a dodgy sat-nav, you never know where you’ll end up, but it’s usually not where you planned, and the journey is always very loud, and you always end up singing the same song on repeat, and then we all just sigh.
• Newcastle’s defense is like a flock of magpies, they swoop in to steal the ball, but sometimes they just end up squawking at each other, and then the opposition scores, and then we all just sigh and start singing again.
• A Newcastle fan’s car got a flat tire on the way to the game. He said, “Typical, even my car is getting deflated like our hopes, but at least we can still sing about it”.
• Newcastle’s training sessions must involve a course on ‘How to make a lot of noise’, and a demonstration of how to wear black and white, and a very detailed tutorial on how to sing all the chants, and then we all just start singing, and sometimes the opposition joins in.
• If Newcastle were a type of weather, they’d be a mixed bag: some sunshine, some rain, and a high chance of a very loud and passionate atmosphere, and a lot of people wearing black and white, and then we all just start singing.
• Newcastle’s new stadium tour includes a ‘how to make a great noise’ experience, where you can join in with the fans, and learn all the chants, and then you get a free black and white flag, and then everyone just starts singing, and then you can join the support group.
• What’s the difference between a Newcastle supporter and a seagull? One has a football team; the other just craps on everything, and then we all just start singing, and then we all go for a pint, and then we do it all again next week.

Newcastle United Jokes and Memes: Player Specific Puns and Gags

Newcastle United fans are a creative bunch, and their jokes go beyond general football banter! Dive into player-specific puns and gags, where every name becomes a potential punchline. From “Isak-ing” a goal to “Trippier-ing” up opponents, these memes and jokes celebrate (and sometimes gently tease) the Toon’s stars, adding a…

• Alexander Isak’s goals are so smooth, they should be served with a side of ice cream.
• Sven Botman’s defending is so solid, it’s like he’s built a brick wall, and then he’s added a moat, and then he’s added a drawbridge, and then he’s got a pet dragon guarding it, and then he’s added a very large sign that says ‘Do Not Enter’.
• Kieran Trippier’s crosses are so accurate, they could probably find a parking space in central Newcastle on a Saturday.
• Nick Pope’s saves are like a brick wall, but sometimes the brick wall has a tiny hole in it, and then we all just sigh.
• Bruno Guimarães’s passing range is like a global positioning system, but instead of directions, it gives you goals.
• Joelinton’s work rate is so high, he should be sponsored by an energy drink company, and a very large coffee company.
• Callum Wilson’s finishing is like a perfectly cooked Sunday roast, always satisfying.
• Joe Willock’s runs into the box are so unpredictable, he’s like a pinball, always bouncing around, and then suddenly, he’s scored.
• Sean Longstaff’s work rate is like a Duracell battery, he just keeps going and going, and sometimes he ends up in the stands, and then we all just start singing.
• Harvey Barnes’ pace is so quick, he’s like a flash of lightning, and then he’s gone, and then he’s scored, and then we all just start singing.
• Miguel Almirón’s smile is brighter than the floodlights at St James’ Park.
• Dan Burn’s height is so impressive, he could probably see the Tyne Bridge from the penalty box, and then he gets lost in the penalty box.
• Anthony Gordon’s dribbling is so tricky, it’s like he’s got the ball on a string, and sometimes he trips over the string.
• Elliot Anderson’s potential is so high, it’s like a shooting star, and then he just disappears for a few weeks.
• Jamaal Lascelles’s leadership is so strong, he could probably lead a march on the moon.

Newcastle United Memes: Relatable Content for Every Toon Fan

Newcastle United fans, you know the drill! From heart-stopping wins to soul-crushing defeats, we’ve all been there. “Newcastle United Memes: Relatable Content for Every Toon Fan” perfectly captures the rollercoaster. This isn’t just about jokes; it’s about shared experiences, the highs, lows, and pure Geordie passion we all understand. Find…

• Newcastle’s defense is like a black and white striped revolving door: always letting someone through, but at least it’s on brand.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactics using a map of the city: it just kept leading to St. James’ Park, and then we all started singing.
• Newcastle’s trophy cabinet is so quiet, you can hear the faint sound of “Blaydon Races” echoing through it.
• If Newcastle were a type of weather, they’d be a sudden downpour: intense, unexpected, and then just as suddenly gone.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was a fan of magic, he said: “I prefer our sleight of foot passing game… when it actually works.”
• Newcastle’s recent form is like a Geordie accent: sometimes brilliant, mostly incomprehensible to anyone not from the area.
• Newcastle’s new training regime involves practicing how to make a lot of noise while running: they say it improves team spirit, and confuses the opposition.
• Why did the Newcastle fan bring a ladder to the game? He heard the team was going to be climbing the table… eventually, and he wanted a good view.
• Newcastle’s away form is like a road trip with a dodgy sat-nav: you never know where you’ll end up, but it’s usually not where you planned, and the journey is always very loud, and you always end up singing the same song.
• A Newcastle supporter walks into a library, asks for books about consistency: the librarian just points to the local pub, and the history section.
• Newcastle’s set pieces are like a surprise party: but the surprise is that no one is in the box, and the cake is always a bit dry, and the music is always a bit too loud.
• I saw a Newcastle player trying to use a compass: he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and then he was very confused, and then he just started singing.
• Newcastle’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive singing, and spontaneous trips to the pub, and a need to wave black and white flags”.
• Newcastle’s midfield is like a group of magpies trying to build a nest: lots of darting around, but they often drop the bits and pieces, and then start again, and then we all just start singing.
• A Newcastle fan’s car got a flat tire on the way to the game: he said, “Typical, even my car is getting deflated like our hopes, but at least we can still sing about it, and then we all just start singing, and then we all go to the pub.”

Newcastle United Jokes and Memes: Rival Fan Reactions & Hilarious Commentary

Newcastle United fans love a good laugh, even at their own expense! “Newcastle United Jokes and Memes” is packed with the usual football banter. Rival fans chip in with their predictable digs, while Toon supporters retort with self-deprecating humour. It’s a hilarious mix of online gags, showing that even in…

• Newcastle’s away kit is so bright, it’s probably visible from space, and that’s where their hopes of a win often end up.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactical formation to my cat, he just looked at me, yawned, and went back to sleep, probably the best analysis I’ve seen all season.
• A Newcastle fan walks into a pub and asks for a pint, the bartender says “That’ll be £5.50.” The fan replies, “Typical, even my beer is getting inflated like our transfer fees.”
• If Newcastle were a type of car, they’d be a vintage model, looks great, sounds amazing, but sometimes needs a little push to get going, and sometimes it just breaks down for no reason.
• Newcastle’s training sessions must include a course on ‘How to make a lot of noise while running’, it really confuses the opposition… and the neighbours.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was good at puzzles, he said, “Our formation is like a jigsaw, with a few pieces missing, and some of the pieces are probably in the stands”.
• Newcastle’s new stadium tour includes a ‘how to make a great noise’ workshop, where you can learn all the chants, and then try to understand what they all mean.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s recent form with a yo-yo, it went up a bit, then down a lot, and then just kept getting tangled in the string, and then we all just started singing.
• I saw a Newcastle player trying to use a vending machine, he put in all his hopes and got out a black and white scarf, and a can of Newcastle Brown Ale.
• Newcastle’s defense is like a flock of magpies, they swoop in to steal the ball, but sometimes they just end up squawking at each other, and then the opposition scores.
• A Newcastle fan’s car broke down on the way to the game; he said, “Typical, even my car is getting deflated like our hopes, but at least we can still sing about it”.
• Newcastle’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score, they’re getting very good at it.
• Newcastle’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive singing and a need to wave black and white flags, and sometimes a spontaneous trip to the pub”.
• What do you call a Newcastle player who’s great at hide and seek? Never Found… in the opposition’s penalty box.
• A Newcastle supporter goes to a fortune teller, she says, “I see a lot of black and white in your future.” He replies, “So, nothing new then?”

Newcastle United Jokes and Memes: Classic Moments Reimagined

Dive into the hilarious world of Newcastle United! “Classic Moments Reimagined” is where iconic games and players get the meme treatment. Expect witty jokes, relatable struggles, and laugh-out-loud takes on the Magpies’ history. From Shearer’s celebrations to frustrating defeats, it’s all here, keeping the Toon Army smiling through thick and…

• Newcastle’s midfield is like a black and white striped washing machine, things go in, they spin around a lot, and then sometimes something comes out clean.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s formation using a flock of magpies, but they just kept flying off in different directions, and then started singing.
• Newcastle’s transfer policy is like a magpie’s nest, full of shiny new things, some of them work, some of them don’t, and there’s always a bit of a squabble.
• Newcastle’s away form is so unpredictable, it’s like they’re playing a different sport every week, and the pre-match warm up is just a very loud singalong.
• Heard Newcastle’s new fitness coach is a choir conductor, he’s trying to get the players to move with the same harmony as a well-rehearsed chant, and then everyone just starts singing.
• Newcastle’s games are like a black and white movie, full of drama, passion, and the occasional unexpected twist, but the ending is always the same, a lot of singing.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was a fan of magic, he said, “I prefer our ‘sleight of foot’ passing game, but sometimes the ball just disappears into the stands, and then we all just start singing.”
• Newcastle’s training sessions must include a course on ‘How to make a lot of noise while running’ and a demonstration of how to wear black and white, and then they all just start singing.
• Newcastle’s defense is like a black and white striped revolving door, always letting someone through, but at least it’s on brand, and then they all start singing.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactics using a chessboard, but the pieces just kept moving in unpredictable, black and white patterns, and then started singing.
• A Newcastle fan walks into a library and asks for books about consistency, the librarian just points to the local pub, and then to the history section, and then starts singing.
• Newcastle’s new kit should come with a warning label: “May cause excessive singing and a need to wave black and white flags, and sometimes a spontaneous trip to the pub, and then everyone just starts singing”.
• Newcastle’s new stadium tour includes a ‘how to make a great noise’ experience, where you can join in with the fans, and learn all the chants, and then you get a free black and white flag, and then everyone just starts singing, and then you can join the support group, and then everyone starts singing again.
• Newcastle’s midfield is like a group of magpies trying to build a nest: lots of darting around, but they often drop the bits and pieces, and then start again, and then we all just start singing.
• A Newcastle fan’s car got a flat tire on the way to the game, he said, “Typical, even my car is getting deflated like our hopes, but at least we can still sing about it, and then we all just start singing, and then we all go to the pub.”

Newcastle United Jokes and Memes: The Best of Social Media

Newcastle United fans, and even rivals, know the internet’s a goldmine for laughs! “Newcastle United Jokes and Memes: The Best of Social Media” captures the witty side of supporting the Magpies. From hilarious transfer rumours to iconic player gaffes, it’s a lighthearted look at the beautiful game, all through the…

• Newcastle’s midfield is like a flock of magpies trying to share one shiny object, lots of squawking, but rarely any clear direction.
• I tried to explain Newcastle’s tactical formation using a black and white striped deck of cards, it was just a random shuffle, and then everyone started singing.
• Newcastle’s away form is like a trip to Ikea: you know where you’re going, but you’ll probably get lost, and spend too much time in the cafe.
• I asked a Newcastle player if he was good at puzzles, he said, “Our formation is like a jigsaw with a few pieces missing, and some of them are probably in the Gallowgate End.”
• Newcastle’s trophy cabinet is so quiet, you can hear the faint sound of “Local Hero” echoing through it.
• Newcastle’s new kit should come with a warning label: May cause excessive singing, spontaneous trips to the pub, and an overwhelming urge to wave black and white flags.
• Newcastle’s new stadium tour includes a ‘How to make a great noise’ experience, where you can learn all the chants, and then try to understand what they all mean, and then you get a black and white flag, and then you join the support group, and then we all just start singing.
• A Newcastle fan walks into a library and asks for books about consistency, the librarian just points to the local pub, and then to the history section, and then starts singing.
• Newcastle’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody’s in the box, and the balloons are all black and white.
• I’ve started a support group for people who watch Newcastle United. It’s called “Black and White and a Little Bit Frustrated.”
• Newcastle’s recruitment policy is like a magpie’s nest: a bit of everything, shiny and new, but you’re not entirely sure if it all works together, and then we all start singing.
• Why did the Newcastle fan bring a ladder to the match? He heard the team was going to be climbing the table, eventually, and he wanted to get a good view, and then he just started singing.
• Newcastle’s recent form is like my internet connection, sometimes brilliant, mostly buffering, and with a lot of very loud background noise, and then it all cuts out, and then we all just start singing.
• Newcastle’s defense is like a flock of magpies, they swoop in to steal the ball, but sometimes they just end up squawking at each other, and then the opposition scores, and then we all just start singing.
• Newcastle’s training sessions must involve a course on ‘How to make a lot of noise while running’, they say it improves team spirit, and confuses the opposition, and sometimes the opposition just joins in with the singing.