150 Best Everton Jokes and Memes The Funniest Collection Youll Ever See

Are you an Everton fan who can laugh at themselves, or maybe you’re a rival supporter looking for some good-natured banter? Either way, you’ve come to the right place. We’re diving into the hilarious world of Everton jokes and memes, where the highs and lows of supporting the Toffees are perfectly captured in comedic form.

Best Everton Jokes and Memes The Funniest Collection Youll Ever See
Best Everton Jokes and Memes The Funniest Collection Youll Ever See

Prepare for a collection of witty quips, relatable gags, and laugh-out-loud images that only true football fans will appreciate. From dodgy signings to nail-biting finishes, Everton’s history provides endless fodder for comedy.

So, buckle up and get ready to chuckle as we explore the lighter side of being a Blue, because let’s face it, sometimes laughter is the best medicine, even when it comes to Everton.

Best Everton Jokes and Memes The Funniest Collection Youll Ever See

  • Why did the Everton fan bring a ladder to the game? Because he heard they were aiming for the top four… eventually!
  • What’s an Evertonian’s favorite type of music? The blues… naturally.
  • An Everton supporter walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia. The librarian whispers, “They’re right behind you!”
  • Everton’s midfield is like a broken clock, it’s right twice a season.
  • I tried to write an Everton joke, but it kept missing the point.
  • What do you call an Everton player who’s always in the hospital? A regular patient, he’s always getting injured.
  • Did you hear about the Everton player who invested in a bakery? He’s got a lot of dough but doesn’t deliver.
  • Everton’s tactics are so confusing, they could make a Rubik’s cube look like connect four.
  • A Liverpudlian and an Evertonian are arguing about who has the better team, the Liverpudlian says, “We’ve won the Champions League!” The Evertonian replies, “Well, we’ve got more history…of disappointment.”
  • Why are Everton fans so good at gardening? Because they’re experts at cultivating hope, even when the seeds haven’t germinated for years.
  • What’s Everton’s favourite board game? Sorry!
  • Everton’s attack is so predictable, even the defense knows what they’re going to do, and they still can’t stop it.
  • An Everton fan, after watching their team lose, said he was feeling blue, not just because of the colours, but because of the crushing defeat.
  • I saw a flock of pigeons wearing Everton shirts. Apparently, they were hoping for a better view of the goals… from the stands.
  • If Everton were a dessert, they’d be a lemon tart; a bit sour with a lingering feeling of ‘almost’.

Everton Jokes and Memes: The Best of the Toffees’ Humour

Everton’s rollercoaster ride provides endless fodder for hilarious memes and jokes. “Everton Jokes and Memes: The Best of the Toffees’ Humour” captures the unique blend of self-deprecation and unwavering loyalty that defines the Goodison faithful. From transfer woes to on-pitch mishaps, no topic is off-limits, offering a much-needed laugh even…

Everton Jokes and Memes: The Best of the Toffees' Humour
Everton Jokes and Memes: The Best of the Toffees’ Humour
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is like a museum of forgotten relics, you need a guide to remember what they won, and a map to find the trophies.
  • I tried to write an Everton joke, but it kept getting relegated to the bottom of the list.
  • Everton’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score, they’re getting very good at it.
  • An Everton player walks into a shoe shop and asks for a pair of ‘winning boots’, the assistant just points to the exit and says, “Try a different sport”.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody shows up in the box, and the decorations are all half-hearted.
  • Everton’s possession-based football is like a cat chasing a laser pointer: lots of movement, but no real end product, just a lot of confusion.
  • Everton’s away form is like a treasure map, but X always marks the spot of another defeat, often in a different postcode, and sometimes it’s just a blank piece of paper.
  • What do you call an Everton player who’s always late? Chronically behind, and often in the wrong position.
  • Everton’s transfer policy is like a game of darts, they throw a lot, but rarely hit the bullseye, and the dart is often made of hope and loose change.
  • I’ve started a support group for Everton fans. It’s called ‘The Toffee-Nuts Anonymous’, and we just sing sad songs and eat a lot of sweets.
  • Everton’s matches are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of lost tourists, they have a map, but it’s written in a language they don’t understand, and it’s often upside down, and they keep asking for directions.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in the effort, but nothing good comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound.
  • If Everton were a type of weather, they’d be a constant drizzle: a bit depressing, a bit annoying, and always dampening expectations, and the occasional downpour of goals conceded.

Everton Jokes and Memes: Laughing Through the Lows and Highs

Everton fans know the rollercoaster of supporting their team! “Everton Jokes and Memes” is a hilarious space where we laugh through the agonizing defeats and celebrate the rare victories. From self-deprecating humor to witty observations, it’s a relatable corner of the internet for any Toffee, a place where we bond…

Everton Jokes and Memes: Laughing Through the Lows and Highs
Everton Jokes and Memes: Laughing Through the Lows and Highs
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is like a time capsule, full of artifacts from a bygone era, and a lot of dust, with a faint sound of ‘Z-Cars’ echoing through the empty space.
  • I tried to explain Everton’s season with a game of snakes and ladders, but it kept getting stuck on the snakes, and the ladders were all greased.
  • An Everton player walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to score goals’, the librarian points him to the fantasy section, and then to the self-help one for coping with disappointment.
  • Everton’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they score, they’re getting very good at it, and then looking even more surprised when they concede straight after.
  • If Everton were a type of weather, they’d be a persistent drizzle, a bit depressing, a bit annoying, and always dampening expectations, with the occasional thunderstorm of goals conceded.
  • Everton’s transfer policy is like a game of musical chairs, they keep circling around the same players, and someone always ends up without a seat, and it’s usually the fans.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is ever in the box to receive the invitation or the ball, and the cake is always stale, and the balloons are all deflated.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound.
  • An Everton fan went to a magic show, the magician made a win disappear, the fan said, “I see that every week, it’s not magic, it’s just our season”.
  • I asked an Everton fan if he was an optimist, he said, “I’m hoping we get a point today, maybe two if the opposition takes a 45 minute nap…and we don’t score an own goal”.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of tourists trying to navigate Liverpool with a map written in hieroglyphics, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions.
  • Everton’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • What’s an Everton player’s favourite type of music? The Blues, obviously, it perfectly matches their current form, and the mood of their fans, and their style of play.
  • Everton’s possession-based football is like a cat chasing a laser pointer: lots of movement, but no real end product, just a lot of confusion and frustration, and then a nap.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session.

Everton Jokes and Memes: Viral Moments and Fan Reactions

Everton’s struggles often fuel the internet’s meme machine. From comical transfer mishaps to on-pitch blunders, “Everton Jokes and Memes” capture the rollercoaster of supporting the Toffees. Viral moments, like a missed sitter or an own goal, become instant fodder for fan reactions, ranging from despairing laughter to outright mockery, uniting…

Everton Jokes and Memes: Viral Moments and Fan Reactions
Everton Jokes and Memes: Viral Moments and Fan Reactions
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘near miss’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, with a therapy session included, and it’s all in surround sound.
  • I tried to explain Everton’s season using a bag of pick ‘n’ mix: a lot of variety, but mostly disappointment and a few hard candies you didn’t ask for.
  • Everton’s training sessions must involve a lot of walking backwards, given how often they seem to be moving away from the goal.
  • An Everton player walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to score goals’, the librarian points him to the fantasy section, and then to the self-help one for coping with disappointment, and the section on ‘how to write a good excuse’.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken sat-nav, you know where you want to go, but it keeps taking you the wrong way, and occasionally just shuts down.
  • I saw an Everton player trying to use a vending machine, he put in all his hopes and dreams, but nothing good came out, just a lot of clanging and a sense of deja vu.
  • Everton’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes tissues, they anticipate a lot of tears, and a few nosebleeds from the stress.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is invited to the box, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat.
  • Everton’s transfer policy is like a game of musical chairs, they keep circling around the same players, and someone always ends up without a seat, and it’s usually the fans, and then the music stops.
  • Everton’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week.
  • If Everton were a type of coffee, they’d be a decaf, you expect a kick, but it’s just a mild experience, and leaves you wanting more, and a bit disappointed.
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is like a time capsule, full of artifacts from a bygone era, a lot of dust, and the faint echo of ‘Z-Cars’ and the sound of silence.
  • What’s an Evertonian’s favourite type of book? One with a sad ending, they’re used to it, and it has to be very long, and full of missed opportunities.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of lost tourists trying to navigate Liverpool with a map written in hieroglyphics, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions and the directions are always wrong.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues.

Everton Jokes and Memes: Player-Specific Gags and Puns

Everton fans know how to laugh, even when things get tough! A big part of the humor is roasting our own players. From clumsy tackles to questionable haircuts, no one’s safe from player-specific gags and puns. It’s all in good fun, a way to connect and cope with the rollercoaster…

Everton Jokes and Memes: Player-Specific Gags and Puns
Everton Jokes and Memes: Player-Specific Gags and Puns
  • Dominic Calvert-Lewin’s aerial ability is like a weather forecast: sometimes it’s a clear header, sometimes it’s just a lot of wind.
  • Jordan Pickford’s saves are so unpredictable, it’s like watching a cat try to catch a laser pointer, sometimes he gets it, sometimes it bounces right off.
  • Dwight McNeil’s crosses are like a mystery novel: you never know where they’re going to end up, and the ending is often a surprise, not always a good one.
  • James Tarkowski’s tackles are so strong, it’s like he’s trying to rearrange the opposition’s bones, and occasionally his own.
  • Amadou Onana’s presence in midfield is like a gentle breeze: you can feel it, but it doesn’t always move things forward.
  • Alex Iwobi’s runs are so intricate, they’re like a maze, and sometimes even he gets lost in them.
  • Abdoulaye Doucouré’s energy is like a Duracell battery, he keeps going and going, but sometimes he forgets what he’s supposed to be doing.
  • Vitalii Mykolenko’s crosses are like a postcard: they travel a long distance, but often don’t arrive at the intended destination.
  • Idrissa Gueye’s interceptions are like a pickpocket: quick, sneaky, and sometimes you don’t even notice they happened until it’s too late, and sometimes he gives the ball straight back.
  • Ben Godfrey’s defending is like a game of ‘whack-a-mole’: he pops up in unexpected places, but sometimes he gets hit himself.
  • Seamus Coleman’s loyalty is like a vintage car: reliable and always there, but sometimes a little bit out of date.
  • Michael Keane’s headers are like a surprise party: you never know if they’re going to be a goal or a complete miss, and they’re often a surprise for his own team.
  • Neal Maupay’s finishing is like a magician’s trick: sometimes the ball disappears into the back of the net, and sometimes it just disappears.
  • Jack Harrison’s dribbling is so unpredictable, it’s like trying to catch a greased pig, and sometimes the pig just runs off in the wrong direction.
  • Youssef Chermiti’s presence in the box is like a question mark: you’re never quite sure what’s going to happen, and often nothing does.

Everton Jokes and Memes: Rivalry Roasts and Merseyside Banter

Everton fans, brace yourselves! “Everton Jokes and Memes” isn’t just about celebrating the Toffees. It’s a hilarious dive into the rivalry, featuring savage roasts from opposing fans and classic Merseyside banter. Expect witty jabs, self-deprecating humor, and plenty of memes that perfectly capture the rollercoaster of being an Evertonian. Prepare…

Everton Jokes and Memes: Rivalry Roasts and Merseyside Banter
Everton Jokes and Memes: Rivalry Roasts and Merseyside Banter
  • Everton’s training ground is so quiet, you could hear a pin drop, or the faint sound of a distant relegation battle being lost.
  • I tried to explain Everton’s season with a broken record player, it kept skipping the good parts and repeating the bad ones.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, and then you can join the support group.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken sat-nav, you know where you want to go, but it keeps taking you the wrong way, and occasionally just shuts down in frustration, and then you have to start again.
  • An Everton player went to a fancy dress party as a ‘goal scorer’, nobody recognised him, or even knew what he was supposed to be.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of lost tourists trying to navigate Liverpool with a map written in hieroglyphics, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions, but the directions are always leading to the wrong place, and then they keep getting lost again.
  • Everton’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes tissues, they anticipate a lot of tears, and a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs.
  • I tried to write an Everton joke, but it kept getting relegated to the bottom of the list, and then it got lost, and then it was found, but no one was sure what it was, or if it was any good.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that no one is ever in the box to receive the invitation or the ball, and the cake is always stale, and the balloons are all deflated, and the music is a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound.
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is like a library, full of old history books, but no new releases, and lots of dust, and the faint sound of ‘Z-Cars’ echoing through the empty space, and a very strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • Everton’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all a bit repetitive.
  • Everton’s possession-based football is like a cat chasing a laser pointer: lots of movement, but no real end product, just a lot of confusion, and then the cat gets bored and takes a nap, and then we all have a long nap too.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken vending machine: you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound, and then a sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all very tiring.
  • An Everton player walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to score goals’, the librarian points him to the fantasy section, and then to the self-help one for coping with disappointment, and the section on ‘how to write a good excuse’, and then the section on ‘how to cope with a very long and repetitive season’.

Everton Jokes and Memes: The Funniest Fan-Made Content

Dive into the world of Everton’s hilarious fan culture! “Everton Jokes and Memes” is a treasure trove of fan-made content, capturing the rollercoaster of emotions that come with supporting the Toffees. From witty digs at rivals to self-deprecating humor about the team’s fortunes, this is where Everton supporters find laughter…

Everton Jokes and Memes: The Funniest Fan-Made Content
Everton Jokes and Memes: The Funniest Fan-Made Content
  • Everton’s new training regime involves practicing how to look surprised when they don’t concede a goal.
  • I tried to explain Everton’s season using a game of solitaire: it’s mostly just playing against yourself, with a high chance of failure.
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is so quiet, you can hear the faint sound of a missed penalty echoing through the empty space, and a lot of dust, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • What’s an Evertonian’s favorite type of sandwich? A ‘missed opportunity’ sandwich, it’s got everything you wanted, but it’s missing the key ingredient.
  • Everton’s games are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get, but it’s often a bitter disappointment, and sometimes they’re all empty, and you’re left with a bad taste in your mouth.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken firework: lots of fizz, but no bang, just a lot of smoke and disappointment.
  • I asked an Everton fan if he believed in miracles. He said, “I’m hoping for a draw, that’s about as close as we get to divine intervention.”
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, and then you can join the support group for a very long therapy session.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody is invited to the box, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of lost tourists trying to navigate Liverpool with a map written in hieroglyphics, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions, but the directions always lead to disappointment, and then they keep getting lost again.
  • Everton’s transfer policy is like a rummage sale, you might find a hidden gem, but mostly you end up with something you don’t need, and a lot of old socks, and a sense of Deja-Vu.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • Everton’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes tissues, they anticipate a lot of tears, and a few nosebleeds from the stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • Everton’s possession-based football is like a cat chasing a laser pointer: lots of movement, but no real end product, just a lot of confusion, and then the cat gets bored and takes a nap, and then we all have a long nap too, and then we do it all again next week.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘what could have been’ exhibit, featuring all the missed opportunities of the season, with a therapy session included, on repeat, and it’s all in surround sound, and includes a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu.

Everton Jokes and Memes: Classic Moments Reworked for Comedy

Everton fans, prepare to chuckle! “Everton Jokes and Memes: Classic Moments Reworked for Comedy” dives into the hilarious side of being a Toffee. We’re taking those unforgettable highs (and, let’s be honest, lows) and spinning them into pure comedic gold. Expect familiar faces, iconic matches, and a healthy dose of…

Everton Jokes and Memes: Classic Moments Reworked for Comedy
Everton Jokes and Memes: Classic Moments Reworked for Comedy
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘what could have been’ exhibit, featuring all the almost-goals and a guided meditation on managing expectations.
  • I tried to write an Everton joke, but it kept getting stuck in the mud, and then just kind of gave up.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of pigeons trying to find a dropped chip: lots of fluttering around, but rarely any real progress.
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is like a dusty attic, full of old memories, and the faint sound of ‘Z-Cars’ echoing in the emptiness, and a very strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • An Everton player walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to score goals’, the librarian points him to the fantasy section, and then to the section on ‘coping with disappointment’.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that nobody is invited to the box, and the balloons are always deflated, and the cake is stale, and the music is just a sad song on repeat.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken sat-nav: you know where you want to go, but it keeps taking you the wrong way, and occasionally just shuts down in frustration, and then you have to start all over again.
  • I’m starting a support group for Everton fans, it’s called ‘The Toffee-Nuts Anonymous’, and we just eat a lot of sweets and sigh a lot.
  • Everton’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week.
  • Everton’s recruitment policy is like a rummage sale, you might find a hidden gem, but mostly you end up with something you don’t need, and a lot of old socks, and a sense of Deja-Vu, and a very long receipt.
  • Everton’s possession-based football is like a cat chasing a laser pointer: lots of movement, but no real end product, just a lot of confusion and frustration, and then the cat gets bored and takes a nap, and then we all have a nap too.
  • Everton’s new kit sponsor is a company that makes tissues, they anticipate a lot of tears, and a few nosebleeds from the constant stress, and a lot of disappointed sighs, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and a very long therapy session.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and a signed photo of the opposition’s goal scorer.
  • Everton’s defense is like a revolving door, but instead of people going in and out, it’s just goals, and the occasional optimistic hope, and a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and a very long wait for the next game.
  • What’s an Evertonian’s favorite type of sandwich? A ‘missed opportunity’ sandwich, it’s got everything you wanted, but it’s missing the key ingredient, and the bread is slightly stale, and it’s always in surround sound.

Everton Jokes and Memes: A Lighthearted Look at the Club’s History

“Everton Jokes and Memes” isn’t just about ribbing the Toffees; it’s a quirky, affectionate look at their rollercoaster history. From boardroom blunders to on-pitch mishaps, these memes and jokes find humor in the shared experience of being an Everton fan. It’s a way to laugh at the lows and celebrate…

Everton Jokes and Memes: A Lighthearted Look at the Club's History
Everton Jokes and Memes: A Lighthearted Look at the Club’s History
  • Everton’s new training regime involves practicing how to celebrate a goal, they say it’s preparation for when it actually happens, and it’s always a surprise.
  • An Everton fan walks into a library and asks for books on ‘how to win a trophy’; the librarian directs him to the historical fiction section, and then to the self-help one for coping with disappointment.
  • Everton’s set pieces are like a surprise party, but the surprise is that the ball never arrives, and the guests are always in the wrong place, and the cake is always stale.
  • I tried to explain Everton’s season with a broken compass; it points in all directions except the right one, and it keeps spinning in circles.
  • Everton’s midfield is like a group of lost tourists trying to navigate Liverpool with a map written in emojis, they’re trying hard, but going absolutely nowhere, and they keep asking for directions, but the directions are always wrong, and they end up back where they started.
  • Everton’s new stadium tour includes a ‘missed opportunity’ experience, where you can relive every chance they didn’t convert, and hear the collective groans of the fans, on repeat, and it’s in surround sound, and includes a complimentary therapy session, and a free bag of tissues, and a very long nap, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all very repetitive and tiring.
  • Everton’s transfer policy is like a game of musical chairs; they keep circling around the same players, and someone always ends up without a seat, and it’s usually the fans, and the music is always a sad song, and it’s always on repeat, and it’s in surround sound.
  • Everton’s attack is like a broken vending machine; you put in your hopes and dreams, but nothing good ever comes out, just a lot of noise and frustration, and the occasional clanging sound, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you try again next week, and it’s all very tiring.
  • I saw an Everton player trying to use a compass; he kept getting lost in the penalty box, and then ended up in the stands, and he was very confused.
  • Everton’s new training regime includes practicing how to look surprised when they score a goal, they’re getting very good at it, and then looking even more surprised when they concede straight after, and then they look confused again, and then they sigh, and then it’s all very repetitive.
  • What’s an Evertonian’s favourite type of sandwich?: A ‘missed opportunity’ sandwich, it’s got everything you wanted, but it’s missing the key ingredient, and the bread is always stale, and it’s all in surround sound, and you have to eat it alone.
  • Everton’s defence is like a sieve with extra-large holes; it lets everything through, even the smallest hopes and dreams, and a lot of disappointment, and the faint sound of ‘Z-Cars’, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu.
  • If Everton were a type of weather, they’d be a persistent drizzle; a bit depressing, a bit annoying, and always dampening expectations, with the occasional thunderstorm of goals conceded, and then the drizzle starts again, and then it’s all very repetitive.
  • Everton’s trophy cabinet is like a time capsule from a bygone era: full of artifacts from the past, a lot of dust, and the faint sound of ‘Z-Cars’ echoing in the emptiness, and a very strong sense of Deja-Vu, and the faint sound of sighing.
  • Everton’s games are like a suspense thriller, but instead of a jump scare, it’s usually a goal conceded, and the ending is always the same, with a lot of sighing, and a strong sense of Deja-Vu, and then you do it all again next week, and it’s all very repetitive and tiring.

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